Skiiiiiiii... ...Wheee

the skiing experience

the ski boots were a torture in the beginning. they were heavy, so tight that they cut off blood circulation to the ankle and below, and make you walk like robocop.

the first 3 days of skiing were quite demoralising.

while everyone was practicing skiing down the slopes, i was spending all my time and energy trying to reach the top of the slopes. on mon, i failed the turning test and was put into olivier's group, with whom i practiced turning on a 'slope' which was more like a platform really. walking up the slopes in our skis either by the v-walk or by side-stepping was tiring... until i experienced the nightmare of taking the button ski lifts on tues. i fell off the lift almost everytime i took it when for everyone else it seemed effortless. i was so disappointed at a time that i took off my skis and decided i had enough of it. but jinyang made me put my skis back on, and, in siewkit's words, with their positive aura i will make it to the top. and indeed i did! and i made it two consecutive times!

on wed, the confidence to ski gradually built up. i fell off the lift again the first thing in the morning, but was picked up. i think i should be ashamed to admit that a big girl like me still need all the encouragement i can get to feel confident. my spirits soared to its peak by the end of wed because i was finally skiing! should i add that olivier actually led us down a blue slope? haha.

on thurs and fri, we did more challenging green and blue slopes. the last blue slope we did with the guys after olivier left was *ahem* the most eventful. i think i fell more times than all the other 7 people combined. i realised that i am afraid of high speeds. whenever i feel i am going too fast, i panicked and lost control. but in retrospect, i must have been very brave at the same time, to be able to want to keep on going down the slopes.

olivier and his english-speaking girls. the prcs in the group all speak fluent french

overall, it has been a steep learning curve, from the more-a-platform 'slope' on mon to a 'pink' slope on fri. olivier was an excellent coach i must say. and i had helpful prc skimates who watch my back when we were learning, and very encouraging friends who made me push the boundaries even outside lesson time.

group 14 toasting olivier

the people who made the trip all the more memorable =)

Christmas This Year

i was just brought to realisation that christmas is just next tuesday. in camb, people start to get all christmas-y by the 6th week of term, perhaps as a source of comfort and drive to last till the end of term.

hence, christmas seems like a far, faraway day that everyone awaits for so eagerly but never actually arrives. in the last week of michaelmas,college events were just about christmas bops and christmas formals, and the CF put up two christmas events. people talked about what to do before christmas, where to go for christmas, how to spend christmas over and over again. all the hype about christmas coming is just now going to end so abruptly on tues when christmas day is finally here.

i had my fair share in the christmas merry-making. and since coming back from barcelona, i had christmas songs streaming through the internet radio to be my companion whenever i had to work alone in my room. oh those tunes were angelic, especially if they were played by kenny g. sometimes i thought i would just cry listening to them.

i will be in the alps this christmas, so it will my first true white christmas. it will also be the second christmas in consecutive years without a carol service by the church choir and without the early morning christmas service. it is not that i have to be physically present in a church to remember the true meaning of christmas; it is the familiarity that i miss.

should i try to seek familiarity in the new? or should i just come to terms with the unfamiliarity of the present moment, and of many more moments to come?



i would prefer the former.

have a blessed christmas!

Mum's WoW

my mum has reminded me that i am not alone in this.
she has helped me re-cast the situation in a better light.

sometimes you just need someone wiser to pull you out from the whirlpool, to re-assess the situation and realise that things are not that bad after all =)

The Amazing Barcelona Trip

10 people to share a room and loud singing
9 companions to practice the unabashedly suaku-ness of a tourist
4 idyllic days of exploring a city
3 nights of yuk-ing power arms race
2 must-go places: zara and tous

One truly unforgettable journey to remember:

The Amazing Barcelona Trip

There is a Higher Throne

There is a higher throne

Than all this world has known

Where faithful ones from every tongue

Will one day come

Before the Son we'll stand

Made faultless through the Lamb

Believing hearts find promised grace

Salvation comes

Hear heaven's voices sing

Their thunderous anthem rings

Through emerald courts and sapphire skies

Their praises rise

All glory, wisdom, power

Strength, thanks and honour are

To God our King who reigns on high

For evermore

And there we'll find our home

Our life before the throne

We'll honour Him in perfect song

Where we belong

He'll wipe each tear-stained eye

As thirst and hunger die

The Lamb comes as our Shepherd King

We'll reign with him.

when i am in the gutters, i need to re-cast my focus into the skies.

when the sun rises, the world is re-energized. the birds sing to the streaks of red in the horizon, while i stand in the chilly air absorbing the fullness of it all.

in times like this, i really am thankful that there is a Higher Throne.

Ambivalence

it's the last week of the term and i can feel the festive mood welling inside me. it is compounded by the glittery christmas lights along the streets, and the oh-so-tall christmas tree at market square. and definitely the gushing excitement that an ice-skating and ice-bumper car(!) rink will be opening in camb itself tomorrow.

and of course the flurry of christmas formals, the preparations for cf's christmas event, and the upcoming cf play- all just before some of the people i see so much during term time fly home for a whole six weeks.

but somehow, i think my supervisors disagree with this premature delightfulness of festivity, for they try to occupy my every thought and waking hour with essays and short answer questions. they try to make sure i maximise every learning opportunity available, right up till the very last day possible, i.e. friday.

don't get me wrong; i do enjoy my course very much the whole michaelmas term. in fact, i will be more than pleased to blog about some of the interesting and insightful things that both lecturers and supervisors have taught me in the past 7 weeks, only if writing about such things don't feel so much like writing essays. i think i possibly could pass as an essay machine now, with an average rate of churning out two essays per week. i have survived two essay crises, which should have make writing two a week seem all the more effortless, if only the lecturers have made things easier to grasp right till the very end.

i am now again at the interface of end-of-term and start-of-break, where the strange but familiar sense of ambivalence lies. i know too well that the extensively long breaks that we cantabs are priviledged to have are almost just like another term, minus the anticipation of attending lectures and having sandwich lunches with the people whose company is so much enjoyed.

i am exhausted- i need a break. but breaks seem to entail nothingness, which then brings dreadful ennui...

i think i am just impossible to please.

Food for Thought

carrots are orange because they are rich in carotene.

carotene is a photopigment found in light harvesting complexes, alongside with cholorophylls, in photosynthetic leaves. it is believed that carotenes are present for protection against photobleaching, i.e. damage of chlorophyll due to overly strong sunlight, as they absorb the excess energy and lose them as heat.

but carrots are roots; they are buried in the soil.

so why do carrots have so much carotene o_O?

because they are edible and therefore must prove themselves to be nutritionally beneficial?

i am open to suggestions =)

Efficiency is Key

the workload rears its ugly head. in fact, i already have 3 essays to write and had 2 practicals completed. i start to not comprehend my lecture notes fully and balk at the material i am supposed to learn by the end of this week. only the practicals are comforting- so far. but that is only because they are not that complicated anyway and i have handled most of the equipment before during attachment. so in conclusion, i am gawking at a steep learning curve =S.

cambridge is as usual teeming with all the fantastic activities that i so wish i have time to attend. i have made great plans over the summer to pack michaelmas with as many events as possible, to take hold of the opportunities so rare but available here. since the intensity of such ccas tend to decline as the acdemic year progresses, hopefully i will have enough time to catch up with studies over winter break and in subsequent terms.

but i doubt that will work now, judging from the amount of work already piled up and i can feel the thundering thrust of more on its way. also, i am planning to have two holidays during winter break.

oh well, i will have to be more efficient then. halve the time and double the amount done for everything. hopefully, the quality of work will not be compromised. that means i will have to learn to exercise appropriate degrees of conscienciousness in the right areas.

to begin, writing blog posts should not take longer than necessary.

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

My Cheese Has Been Moved

i am back in camb for the fifth day now. finished unpacking my boxes on sunday and spent monday and tuesday making multiple trips to town to buy things. my room this year is HUGE compared to basing 15 last year, and i couldn't suppressed the urge to get more things to put in it, things that i wanted since last year but couldn't have due to space constraint.

so, the past two days are spent on browsing the home section of shops, arranging and rearranging items in the cabinets, and looking for items after that because i can't remember where i put them.

amidst all the excitement, i miss basing 15 sometimes.

it is the familiarity to living in that place and to the neighbours in basing house that i miss, i think. changes always make me feel apprehensive. i thought i should be used to it by now. i have been living in two countries since i was 15, and i managed three last year. over summer alone, i had packed and unpacked at least four times to move to different places (not for holiday). still, i always get that uneasy feeling a few days before moving. and i realise that i never learn how to pack light. maybe subconciously i want to carry things that are familiar, hence all the excess baggage.

camb isn't that much different from the time i knew it before i left for summer. friends who were friendly were still as friendly, and those who weren't that friendly seem to be more friendly. there are many new faces around, and my windows open into benson court instead of magd street now. so, it's the birds that i hear first thing in the morning instead of the truck unloading bottles at the wine merchant. oh, i probably won't be cycling much in the early weeks; a bird has built a nest in my bike basket. there's even an egg in it. i think i should leave it for a few days and see what happens before deciding whether to move my bike.

other than those, nothing has changed much really- ramsay is still ramsay and sainsbury is still sainsbury. i foresee myself eating loads of cereals, bread amd canned food again once term begins and evceryone scarcely has time to plan for the next meal.

lectures start proper tomorrow and other activites start next week. i will still be involved in dance and cell group, so not much changes as well. in fact, i think i am such a constant person that i rarely tread unknown waters.

anyway, the cheese has been moved, albeit not too far from its origin. and i am on my way to find it.

We All Love Him

his headmistress loves him; she backed him up with the school recommendation letter for the admission exercise.

the new school admission team loves him; they offered him a place and a scholarship immediately after they spoke to him.

the family loves him; they see great talent in him, an unpolished gem finally in the hands of masters in the art of education.

I love him; I see the doors of opportunities flung open for him. I see great teachers waiting to groom and nurture him. I see life-changing experiences, stimulating and enlightening exposures, all helping him to transform potential into ability.

but

I love him; I wish he could be spared from the loneliness of relocation.

I love him; I wish he could be pampered with the comforts of home a few years longer.

I love him; I wish there could still be someone who wakes him up for school every morning, who spreads his toasts for him for breakfast, who reminds him to take his shower before it is too late, who hounds him to practice his piano. at least for a little longer.

I love him. it pains me that he may have to go through the occasional dark periods of solitude at such a tender age. it’s true that I have been through the same and emerged alright, but it was not without a tough fight.

can he win the fight? will he draw upon the strength of the Lord, the One who has been faithful to me throughout my own battle? will he be as fortunate to meet sincere and loving friends? will he be able to resist the temptations and avoid the paths of misguided souls?

it is because I love him, I want the best for him. I know not what is best; but I know the leap of faith is now the test.

we all love him, we really do.

that was him during his first visit to the place; it is now going to be his second ‘home’ for the next six years.

A Tripos Walk to Remember

just read an email from my cells supervisor congratulating us for making it through NST 1A and the tripos. to me, that was certainly a feat worth congratulating.

the exam itself lasted just one week, but the prep and associated tension was much more long-drawn, beginning as early as the start of easter holidays, a whole three months before the start of any paper. the battle stretched every bit of me to the limits. it wasn’t only the sheer weight of material that needed to be understood and remembered that I was fighting against, but also the alliance of physical discomfort from growing wisdom teeth (such a coincidence that in times when I had to learn the most knowledge that I had to show some signs of growing wiser as well), the loneliness of insomnia, wild fluctuations of self confidence, and increasing home-sickness.

it was during the sleepless hours that I felt the most helpless. the exhausted but stubborn mind wandered restlessly into the fears for tomorrow- the fear of not being able to perform due to lack of sleep, the fear of falling ill, the fear of worsening eyesight from insufficient rest, the fear of brain dead when thinking and analyzing are the most important tasks of all, the fear of … these fears, because they will only lead to more sleeplessness.

on the sunday before the chemistry paper, I felt as if I was on the brink of breaking down. I was drained mentally and emotionally, and was reeling from bouts of stress-induced gastric attacks at one of my study haunts. I thought of letting go, of giving up. I left the place early, and went around taking pictures instead.

people I talked to after the exams thought their experience for it was of the norm; it seemed like only I found it to be excruciatingly challenging. that’s why I wanted to write it down somehow -though I have procrastinated till today, for I want to be reminded of the great mercies that the Lord had shown me. perhaps the exam was a trial to test the intimacy of my walk with the Lord, and a vivid reminder of the frailty of man.

‘Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.’ James 4:13-14

why, I can’t even control my own sleep! what security can tried and tested exam prep methods bring?!

i am just thankful that I pulled through. the satisfactory results were a bonus. two more tripos to face in the coming. Lord, if you will, take this cup of suffering from me.

The Brain Has Wandered

just had a week long research institutes (RIs) tour. my brain refused to take in any more scientific fodder than it could digest after the first two project presentations at IMCB on the third day; it had worked commendable hours the past two days at BII, BTI, GIS and IBN. instead, it wandered into weighing basic research against industrial research, and industrial research against basic research.

basic research offers the joy of discovering knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself, of uncovering a little more of the mysterious yet awesome workings of nature, the very working principles behind the world’s most complex, most tightly-regulated, most efficient for its purpose, yet most minuscule for all its functions, machine, i.e. the living cell.

industrial research, on the other hand, tempts with the prospect of a purposeful, goal-oriented and highly motivated corporate-like working environment. there is the tangible reward of patents and profits for the company, and the competition against other companies towards the much coveted goal of inventing new technologies, new drugs, new materials, new kits.

in basic research, you ask questions and then seek for the answers. whether the answers- if they are to be found and understood within the limitations of the intelligence of man- will be of any impact to the rest of the world is of secondary importance, and is probably for the next scientist who decides to believe you to work on.

industrial research, on the other hand, works with proven principles that have market potential. the payoffs are more tangible, which are much needed where perseverance might not be that all sufficient, and where material needs and wants might be a more pressing goal than the abstract notion of academic progress.

the last day of the tour to SICS, the latest addition to the list of RIs under A*, opened up another option—clinical research. here, a patient is diagnosed with a set of novel symptoms, then the clinician researcher works backwards to find the cause of the symptoms. of course, with the help of biologists, pure scientists and even engineers, the doctor who gave the presentation emphasized. this is a good option, as there is the direct human touch to it. it offers exactly what lures me into biology from the very beginning—the connection to things that live and grow. basic research offers that as well, but when one deals with sub-cellular components for too long, it is easy to lose sight and treat these biological components like any other inanimate machinery.

ah, there is so much to consider! fortunately, there are two more years to think over things and one full year to test out basic or industrial or clinical research. and in the unfortunate event that I picked the wrong one for my phd studies, I still can consider changing course. more difficult maybe, as my peers will be far ahead by then, but not impossible. then again, it’s preferable to begin on par with the rest, if without a head start.

at this moment, one thing is rather clear though. the brain has decided that it has no passion in cancer studies, cancer therapies, cancer development, whatsoever. it has decided that well-behaved cells are more interesting compared to anti-social cells. it finds more fascination in learning why cells do what they do, compared to learning why cells don’t do what they are supposed to do. and more often than not, it finds bacterial cells and plant cells more remarkable than human cells. not exactly philanthropic, eh? =)

Of Pirates, Sea and Fantasy

i do love the sea.

take me to my fantasy.

i'm still sane =)

23 May 2007

the sun was shining brightly at 7am, and the air was warm at 15 degrees. i received phone calls from my dearest parents, and thought it would be just another day, apart from the last lecture of the academic year and a scheduled lunch to look forward to.

all seemed pretty routine, except for the secret joy knowing that it is my special day.

all seemed pretty routine when the lecture ended, the students clapped for the lecturer and left the babbage, except for the tinge of disappointment that no one suggested to stay behind to take pictures-- it was, afterall, the last lecture that some of us will ever have together.

all seemed pretty routine, as i walked towards the all too familiar biochemistry department prepared to dash through my essay that was due before lunch, except that i thought jinyang had decided to follow siewkit to join the mugging club.

then i thought i heard dingdong's voice. and this group of excited people suddenly appeared from the bushes with a bunch of flowers-- a birthday surprise right at the steps of the biochemistry department! and there they sang the birthday song ...

the group ( comprising natscis, engineers, medic and vet) at the biochem department. haihan took the picture. picture is courtesy of jinyang =)

i hope i didn't look too stunned. i was pleasantly shocked, and slightly dismayed with myself that my daily whereabouts have become that predictable. but it was indeed a lovely celebration =)

thank you everyone for taking precious time off to make my day =) and especially to those who planned the surprise =)

2o. no longer a teen, but slowly embracing adulthood. everyday is by the grace of God, and may i age gracefully.

the very english hat is the birthday present from the group

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someone dear expressed that he is afraid of leaving home: afraid of the isolation from caring people, and of the loneliness that entails.

but i want to reassure him that God is good, and He blesses His children through the bonds of friendship, both new and old. He knows and cares for our physical (material/ mental/ emotional ) needs, on top of our spiritual life in Him.

i always say that i am blessed with people who love me, no matter where i am, and i couldn't re-state this more. let all this love be channelled through me, so that i too will be a blessing to those i encounter =).

Blessed with Love

i am blessed-- blessed with friends who love me so much that they unreservedly shower their concerns and encouragement, and time to listen and to help.

it reminds me of parents' love-- how parents have to face the world for a living and still come home to shelter the kids with unreserved love, no matter how weary.

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us... God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." -1 John 4:12, 16

thank you to you both, my lab partners =)

The Gift of Prayer

the daily bread series has been about prayers quite often lately. and so is the verse that is fed into my blog everyday.

agnes came up with the very good idea of praying for a particular cg mate for the week; my prayer buddy reassured me he'll remember my prayer requests.

the shepherd and sheep game ongoing in cf lets me know that my shepherd cares for me, and i care for my sheep.

the gift of prayer. it's like the gift of a credit card to someone else's bank account. just swipe, and you have access to all the resources it entails. it's accepted worldwide-- anytime, anywhere. all you need is just faith that the cashier won't scorn at you when you offer to pay with a plastic card instead of tangible cash.

but sometimes i am too blind to see even such simple faith. i head dive into the whirlpool of toil and exhaustion, inefficiency and desperation, all of which are part of a deadly positive feedback cycle. a positive feedback can only be stopped when it self-limited, or when there is external intervention.

the sermon yesterday was on mark 7:24-37. it was about the faith of gentiles in jesus's healing powers. the pastor spoke on the holding onto the promises of God, which are solid as rock, and which have sustained his believers through ages of persecution. God has made many promises. and one that is made for the time now is matthew 7:7

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

and so i will hold on to this, though my mind tends to wander into the realms of transport systems and proteins even in prayer. but this too, i know i can bring to my God, for in His promise i can ask for anything.

i ask for renewed faith, renewed joy, renewed dependence, renewed strength.

Which Disney Princess are You Most Like?

You are most like Jasmine!

You are an exotic beauty who enchants everyone you meet. You love going on wonderful adventures and have a special fondness for tigers.

ok, i think i hear thunderous laughter.

it was from a game designed for 3-year olds found on the disney website. and i think i got this result because i have black hair and think a tiger would be an ideal pet. i played the game again, choosing a horse for a pet the second time, and got snow white instead. so the hair colour must be the dominant factor.

but why not mulan? i like mulan.

Changing Times

living in temperate regions reminds you so much more vividly that time waits for no man. the scenery changes everyday; the sun rises and sets at different hours evereyday. the surroundings evokes a sense of urgency to live in the present; wait and tomorrow will be a different setting altogether. it is unlike back home where the obvious sign of time flying past is the hype of christmas and new year celebrations.

changing times:
first it was the daffodils


then the cherry blossoms


then the tulips which burst from the earth overnight


but even the most colorful is fading, replaced by the energetic green of new leaves.

when autumn comes, the first impression of camb repeats itself...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
term has started, though lectures start only on thurs. people are already occupied with meetings with various people, and some are having collections.

i am overwhelmed with this sense of ambiguity again. the same feeling when lent term was about to begin last january. a mixture of fear of losing the contentment of the familiar and the dread of moving into the unknown sphere of work, demands, and- some times the worst of all, expectations.

it's such a paradox that when camb is bustling with students again, i am feeling this quiet sense of loneliness...

i know i am not into what lies ahead alone. the Lord has blessed me with good friends and He has promised His presence and strength. but sometimes i just want assurance. firm assurance.

The London Escapade

we were bored of staying in camb, and so decided to run away to london for a day. and to capitalise the wonderful weather of spring, we visited the london zoo =)

me at platform nine and three quarters, trying to ram into the magical world

there were a bunch of school children (they were oddly wearing gowns) at the platform when we were there. so, chien fen, jo and i had to 'fight' for picture opportunities at that famed platform with them...we call ourselves twenty-year-olds.. tsk tsk.

at the zoo:

this zoo is different from the other zoos i have visited, for it places a lot of emphasis on conservation efforts and on educating the public about biodiversity and wildlife, which i think is what a zoo should do instead of merely exhibiting a range of animals.

even the animal show was designed to showcase natural animal behaviour instead of having the animals do a multitude of circus-like tricks to impress to audience. the parrots didn't, and most likely couldn't, talk; the skunk was on stage to dig through soil and rummage a garbage bag, the lemur was there to jump from pole to pole and the owl was there to fly in the direction of food. the show presenter even explained why the owl was brought out in broad daylight when it is 'supposed' to be nocturnal. it turned out to be that not all owls are nocturnal, and the eagle owl brought out is one of them. i wonder why i have never considered this before even after watching owls swooping in and out actively to deliver mail in the day in harry potter films...hmm.

other interesting facts: the south american macaw parrot can live up to a hundred years, while the queen of the leaf eater ant can live up to fifteen years; the malayan tapir is most closely related to the horses; piranhas show minimal movement in water, unlike most other fishes that swim around; okapi is an african animal and alpaca is one that is found 4800m above sea level in the south american moutain ranges; and there are penguins that are native to south africa (i.e. not all are found in the icy land of antartica).

an educational trip indeed.

at night, we watched 'we'll rock you', my first ever musical in london. i just cannot say how impressed i was, and still am, at the live singing and live music.

whee =)

Lesson Learnt

i learnt an invaluable lesson, and i thank God that the price for it isn't too high.

i was told of incidents of people losing their belongings to pickpockets when travelling many many times. still, i was careless enough to carry a backpack behind my back in the crowded streets of london. worse, i put my valuables in the outermost compartment for my own convenience, overlooking the fact that what is convenient for me is also convenient for bandits.

so, i lost my phone. but fortunately, that was the only thing that was taken away-- i still have my wallet and camera. and more fortunately, replacing the phone isn't too much of a hassle; i get to retain the old number and all the calling credit.

so essentially i lost an old phone together with the contacts in the phone and some stored messages which i treasure very much. that phone had serviced me faithfully for close to three years. i wonder how is it now, since it wouldn't be worth much to the new occupier.

A New Vacation

i have watched this so so many times, but i am still amused by it.

it is a song that our cells lecturer ron laskey sang to us at the end of the last lecture of lent term. listen closely to the lyrics =)

(the "babbage" mentioned in the first line refers to the lecture theatre where we have cells lectures)



video is courtesy of jinyang =)

ahh... the excitement of having vacation when it was about to begin! three weeks of it has already gone by now. two more left.

The Veil of Gloom Lifted

in my earliest days in camb, i had wondered whether i would ever be fond of this place. it would be a place to which stress- loads of it, and the loneliness and discomfort of being in a foreign place would be associated, just like how spore was associated to these before.

even in the holidays, the 'glorious' 5 week easter holidays when the weather is just brilliant for any kind of outdoor actvity, the tension of the portending tripos is building up. people start to shut themselves in their rooms, libraries to brace themselves for the battle in easter term.

i feel obliged to do the same. but every morning as i walk out of basing, i see this:


the serenity of river cam, and trees bursting with cherry pink and blossom white.

and from the library, i noticed this tree which i had not noticed before:


a cherry blossom fluorishing with all the newly-gained energy of spring after dormancy in winter.

then, i took a step back and wondered in awe at the creation of the Creator, and wondered how i could be so parochial to be weighed down by the burden of work. isn't it said in ecclesiastes that work done under the sun is meaningless, a chasing after the wind? "What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.- Ecclesiastes 2:22-23".

i don't mean there is no need to work at all. instead, it is unnecessary to augment the importance of it to a level that causes undue distress. what is most important, God will provide, and we have peace in that.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. -Luke 12:25-27"

so is camb still a place of stress? yes- but it is not going to (and shouldn't) stop me from rejoicing every day.

If Only

it came as a real shock, the news about her death. it is more of a shock, when it says she ended her life herself.why? why would a fine young girl do that? she's just 21, in her fourth year in university.

i don't know her well personally. but sometimes i do feel a special connection to her. she was my first chem tutor in jc. also an ex HC and MGS girl, and so was also my "double" senior. we had the same bio tutor, who on the first bio tutorial told me that i resemble her.

if only someone could reach out to her in her darkest moments. if only she reached out for somebody. if only.

i have not been very productive today... the mind kept wandering into random thoughts.

spoke to a former ballet classmate online, and realised that the grade examinations are just a month away. so it has been long since i left the studio. the last time i took the exam was in 2001. that was a major grade exam which i had to take alone. the last exam in which i had a partner was a year earlier.

i miss the thrills of taking ballet exams. in fact, piano practical exams too. when i accompanied my brother to his piano exam last year, i wished i were there to play too as i stood in the corridor to listen to the candidates' playing.

it has been long since i took any formal lessons in ballet or piano. but ironically, i think i have become more discerning in appreciating both of them. maybe it's gaining maturity with age. i have finally understood many of the things that the teachers tried to tell me last time, and i believe i would be able to show far greater improvements now if i were to learn again, provided time permits me to put in such commitment.

but sometimes, it is just such a heartache to realise that i have fallen so low from standards previously achieved. and such heartaches sometimes pose to break all motivation and inspiration. but then again, these can be overcome with grit.


COLDPLAY- BALLET - The best video clips are here

a video i found when randomly searching the net.
watch the agility, the control, the grace, and the strength of ballet.

Early Mornings

all creation sings God's praise.

and i think the birds do it wonderfully well. accompanied by the soft rays that gradually illuminate the sky, and the fresh breeze that brings the smell of green grass from the gardens.

how i wish i could withstand the cold, to sit in the gardens and soak in the morning dew, the tranquility, and the joy and peace of heart that all these bring.

and to sit quietly in the presence of my God and sing his praises.

Lord, in the hush of early dawn,

When all the world lies sleeping,

I place my life and all I love

Into Thy gracious keeping. —White

The British Weather

it has never failed to amuse me, the vicissitudes of the weather here.

just when i thought the cold spell is over, the temperature plunged again -- a low 4 to 5 degrees despite the bright sun. the weather forecast predicts snow showers in the wee hours of thurs, which is explains why i'm still awake at this strange hour of the day. the few of us are mad enough to camp over at siew kit's place, hoping to catch the last snows in camb at 3 am.

i was at the bank yesterday when the sky was overcast with ominous dark clouds. then without warning, ice started falling from the sky-- my first hailstorm! you can actually hear the ice hitting against the ground! the wind was so strong that the streams of hailstones were close to horizontal as they fall.

it will be cold for the next few days, then the temperature will rise to a warm 13 to 14 degrees by sunday. how interesting- ten degrees difference just a few days apart. it certainly takes time to get used to this capricious weather. or, is it possible to get used to the unpredictability at all?

Tell Tale Signs

i know spring is near when...

leaflets start sprouting from bare branches

when the tree that was still bald a few days ago is now thick with foliage

when the daffodils adorned rivercourt, and the angmohs sit under the two-0'clock afternoon sun outside cafe uno reading papers through their sunglasses

when the tourists start streaming to the river to go punting again, and when camb is generally lively with students lazing on the grass wating for term to end

and

when the sun rises at 6 in the morning, which means i have been waking up before 5 regardless of what time i sleep the night before ( i think my pineal gland is hypersensitive to blue light...)

when i still have the spring in my step despite the lack of sleep

when i am just filled with this inexplicable sense of well-being

when i realised that lent term is over.

Malaysia Nite Dance Video

and there are some nice pictures from the dance itself =):

courtesy of shawn

courtesy of jinyang, who took the trouble to add in the special effects

The Stage

i love the stage.

i love being in the spotlight, hearing the audience applause, and even more, their cheers, and seeing the cameras flashing away.

i love the feeling of the heart thumping against the chest, the stifled screams of euphoria amidst pants for breathe in the wings of the stage right after the show, knowing we have put up our best.

i love, especially, the final curtain call, when you look at the crowd and the elated expressions of fellow performers and know that the tears and fears in previous months of preparation have finally paid off.

i love performing =)

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lent term was like a daze. three separate performances in seven weeks. the first was sandstorm, the second was malaysia night last sat, and the third was chisoc variety show yesterday. there were three different groups of people to work with and to get to know better, and oh yes, three distinct styles of dance to learn and grasp.

all three were pretty successful, though i have a biased fondness for you-know-which, merely because the group consisted of several close friends. nothing beats the support and encouragement for each other towards a common goal =).

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malaysia night

the publicity officer sold it as "the most excellent and lamentable tragedy of romeo and juliet" .
here's what the blurb said:-

"The most repulsive thing ever seen to (wo)mankind plays Juliet, an understudy pines for the handsome but mentally-challenged jock, and the club president plots to sabotage the show in the name of the country. Romeo cannot seem to remember any of his lines at all, and a very confused Fairy Godmother happens to crash the practice..."

the eccletic mix of characters indeed sent the audience into stitches from the beginning of the play till the end. there's some mockery of things malaysian , wonder if non-malaysians understood the it.

anyway, jinyang made a video of the show =) . they say pictures say a thousand words. what more a motion picture? hope you get a feel of the atmosphere :-



actually,i haven't watch the entire play myself, just snippets of it because while they are rehearsing, we who were in the finale dance were either backstage preparing or practicing outside the audi.

similarly, while the real show unfolded, we were crammed in the dressing room... taking photos!

the dancers- from both kenneith's dance and 'THE INDIAN DANCE!'

fairy god mother from hazelnut land! ding dong is hilarious.if you could watch him in action, both in the play and in the finale dance, you'll agree =)

shirley, the co-choreographer of the dance

weishen, my partner, trying to look cool

and so we performed. was quite pleased with how the dance actually turned out, considering that most of us are novices in social (?) dance. will upload the video of the dance soon.

and when the curtains finally closed... we were just immensely proud of the entire production =)

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a week later, at the same auditorium, it was the chisoc variety show.

(chisoc is only nominally chinese ( ie PRC). it's actual a hong kong society. the entire show was mainly in cantonese.)

it was a performance that caused me undue stress, partly because i was struggling through the middle of term, and partly because i couldn't seem to grasp the style of the dance ( being sexy.. sigh). anyway, it turned out not too bad afterall. and i was looking forward to the first sunday with no dance rehearsal.

from left: vicky, flora, me, nicola

nicola, co-choreographer, and me. notice our eyebags... signs of sleep deprivation toiling in camb in general

clara, kristy, nicola, and chris in various poses from the dance . clara's the main choreograher and item leader. she made me believe that it is possible to polish a 7 minute dance in about 2 months. she's amazing, both as a dancer and a leader.

michelle and theresa. we are all in basing!

and wanqian and weishen, who came all the way to churchill to support the show.

a big thank you to you!

Commitment

i need to feel sexy again. and to convince the audience that i AM sexy, to make them go, quoting a friend, 'OH YEAA'...

so the projects undertaken this term have the side benefit of teaching me how to increase my sexual appeal, to exude 'feminine confidence' (again, quoting a friend; this shows how clueless i was before on how to be sexy).

the last project of the term will take centrestage tonight. hope all goes well, if not with a bang, for the sake of those who poured in tremendous effort to make it an extravaganza.

i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy ...haha.

Thursdays

it's thursday again, the evening of the day that i look forward to in the week. besides it being the start of another week, ie another milestone reached in the term, it also marks the end of the weekly supervision crisis and the necessary stress.

i have physio and cells supervisions on thurs. and both supervisors, particularly the one for cells, are very enthusiastic in giving us assignments to help us learn. and both set deadlines at wed lunchtime. so on mon, tues and wed i am in this frantic state of reading and writing, on top of trying to juggle two practicals and two supervisions at the same time.and thurs is the unusually long day for me. so the cumulated sleep deprivation only makes thurs mornings all the more dreadful.

but come evening, everything is good, like the sense of relief i am indulging in now. on top of that, there's the weekend to look forward to. not that weekends are free, but eventful enough to be away from essays and textbooks and to just enjoy the company of like-minded people. there's malaysian nite this sat, then there'll be the chisoc variety show performance on the next. and in the following weekend, there's spring salsa ball, and then i'll be in oslo on the one after. then it'll be easter break! didn't realise how eventful lent term actually is... maybe because i'm always in this daze from lack of sleep!

i must say i have been fairly enjoying myself this lent term. for one, the plant physio lectures are amusing, not that i understand plants any more than animals (in fact less because there is so much individuality in each species), but because of the enthusiasm that the lecturers exude, sometimes to the point that borders eccentricity (think dr hanke, and no less, dr griffiths). i wish i had the time to elaborate what i meant, but not this evening as i want my sleep and i have thermodynamics to mull over before the evening deadline tomorrow.

i think i should just end here by saying that the plant sciences department in camb is cool, like the shady spots under the Fagus sylvatica =).

Happy Chinese New Year!

chinese new year wishes from camb:

like how all sojourns form enclaves in a foreign land, we camb first years gathered at st john's for reunion dinner when home is half a world away. we tried to bring the flavours of that part of the world which we are so familiar with to this dinner of special significance, and i must say it was done beautifully, largely owing to the mega effort jinyang and ryan put into planning the steamboat dinner and lugging all the groceries back from chormei. so it was an evening of scooping fishballs and wantan from the soup, eating kangkung (which i have not seen since last october) with thai chili sauce, and seeing pan-fried japanese tofu, all in the midst of the oh-so-festive chinese new year songs.

dinner started late at 8pm because the people with the food (we from magd) came late-- like how dinner at home starts late because my family reaches my uncle's house late. the food was great, and everyone was stuffed full because the cooks (ryan, jinyang, jiechao, weishen) put in long hours to prepare it and to make sure that it is in abundance--like how my aunt will prepare the dinner and all the chinese new year cookies to last us kids for the next few days. jit ern's room was filled with laughter, the loudest being dingdong's-- like how the living room at my uncle's house will be, especially when john laughs at the funny movies. all in all, the reunion dinner was great, and was as "chinese new yeary" as it could be. why, we even had lo sang:


video is courtesy of jinyang =)

this was the first time i didn't have new year eve reunion dinner with my family, and there is indeed that strange feeling that something is amissed. when i was in primary school and had to write essays about cny celebration, all the model essays i refer to would definitely include lines about relatives who work abroad rushes back just in time for dinner, or something similar to emphasised the reunion dinner. even tv adverts stress on the dinner, like the one in the elders' home where the old ladies all sat around the table bragging about their sons' achievements only to hide their pain that these sons don't even visit them on new year's eve, or the funny one about the old-fashioned grandmother who made sure everything was in the auspicious red and had the family around the dining table waiting for her grandson from america, only to find that he was red from head to toe but brought back a black girlfriend! these remind me again and again how family togetherness is a strongly rooted chinese tradition, and how blessed are those who have a family to share a meal with. but it has never hit me this hard before now that i have been through a new year without the precious company of family. how much i miss all of them suddenly!

it is unlikely that i will be at home for cny for the next two years. then, hopefully i get to spend a nice long one during my year of attachment, and hopefully nothing much has changed yet, and that cny at home is still the same cny as i know it. then it's five years of abroad living again. by the time settle down properly in a place not too far away from home, i might already be someone's wife and be eating reunion dinner with his family instead. is all this part of growing up, a reminder of how precious moments are transient?

anyway, it is indeed by god's grace that there is still a new year for me, and that this new year is a challenging one, one in which my weakness is apparent and that i can rely on his strength instead.

happy new year eveyone! xin1 nian2 jin4 bu4, shen1 ti3 jian4 kang1, wan4 shi4 sheng4 yi4

Cambridge turned into Narnia

Pepy's Library

and its magical allure brought out the inner child of 9 twenty-year old nat scis. during the break between chemistry lecture and physiology lecture, we ran and snow-ball fight each other with no inhibitions on the icy lawns in downing college.

video is courtesy of jinyang =)

when the temperature gets too cold, the rate of chemical reactions slows down-- so we learn in chemistry. and i am going to blame the lower metabolic rate in the brain for the lack of urgency to go for lectures that morning, haha. before qb, i took the pleasure to capture the icy beauty of magd:-

view of magd from basing

bright's building

first court

then in between qb and chem, we idled around downing site to gasp and awe at the snow ( inviting curious stares from the angmohs when we asked them to help us take pics) before snow-balling each other all the way to chem lecture, thinking that the first thermodynamics lecture will very well be on why it feels colder when snow melts.




so, today was a day of snow-fun, a welcomed break in the otherwise work-loaded week, not that any supervisions were cancelled due to the snow though...anyway, =).

me, yi lun and jie chao with the snowman guangyuan built

me, siew kit, wei shen, jin yang