If Only

it came as a real shock, the news about her death. it is more of a shock, when it says she ended her life herself.why? why would a fine young girl do that? she's just 21, in her fourth year in university.

i don't know her well personally. but sometimes i do feel a special connection to her. she was my first chem tutor in jc. also an ex HC and MGS girl, and so was also my "double" senior. we had the same bio tutor, who on the first bio tutorial told me that i resemble her.

if only someone could reach out to her in her darkest moments. if only she reached out for somebody. if only.

i have not been very productive today... the mind kept wandering into random thoughts.

spoke to a former ballet classmate online, and realised that the grade examinations are just a month away. so it has been long since i left the studio. the last time i took the exam was in 2001. that was a major grade exam which i had to take alone. the last exam in which i had a partner was a year earlier.

i miss the thrills of taking ballet exams. in fact, piano practical exams too. when i accompanied my brother to his piano exam last year, i wished i were there to play too as i stood in the corridor to listen to the candidates' playing.

it has been long since i took any formal lessons in ballet or piano. but ironically, i think i have become more discerning in appreciating both of them. maybe it's gaining maturity with age. i have finally understood many of the things that the teachers tried to tell me last time, and i believe i would be able to show far greater improvements now if i were to learn again, provided time permits me to put in such commitment.

but sometimes, it is just such a heartache to realise that i have fallen so low from standards previously achieved. and such heartaches sometimes pose to break all motivation and inspiration. but then again, these can be overcome with grit.


COLDPLAY- BALLET - The best video clips are here

a video i found when randomly searching the net.
watch the agility, the control, the grace, and the strength of ballet.

Early Mornings

all creation sings God's praise.

and i think the birds do it wonderfully well. accompanied by the soft rays that gradually illuminate the sky, and the fresh breeze that brings the smell of green grass from the gardens.

how i wish i could withstand the cold, to sit in the gardens and soak in the morning dew, the tranquility, and the joy and peace of heart that all these bring.

and to sit quietly in the presence of my God and sing his praises.

Lord, in the hush of early dawn,

When all the world lies sleeping,

I place my life and all I love

Into Thy gracious keeping. —White

The British Weather

it has never failed to amuse me, the vicissitudes of the weather here.

just when i thought the cold spell is over, the temperature plunged again -- a low 4 to 5 degrees despite the bright sun. the weather forecast predicts snow showers in the wee hours of thurs, which is explains why i'm still awake at this strange hour of the day. the few of us are mad enough to camp over at siew kit's place, hoping to catch the last snows in camb at 3 am.

i was at the bank yesterday when the sky was overcast with ominous dark clouds. then without warning, ice started falling from the sky-- my first hailstorm! you can actually hear the ice hitting against the ground! the wind was so strong that the streams of hailstones were close to horizontal as they fall.

it will be cold for the next few days, then the temperature will rise to a warm 13 to 14 degrees by sunday. how interesting- ten degrees difference just a few days apart. it certainly takes time to get used to this capricious weather. or, is it possible to get used to the unpredictability at all?

Tell Tale Signs

i know spring is near when...

leaflets start sprouting from bare branches

when the tree that was still bald a few days ago is now thick with foliage

when the daffodils adorned rivercourt, and the angmohs sit under the two-0'clock afternoon sun outside cafe uno reading papers through their sunglasses

when the tourists start streaming to the river to go punting again, and when camb is generally lively with students lazing on the grass wating for term to end

and

when the sun rises at 6 in the morning, which means i have been waking up before 5 regardless of what time i sleep the night before ( i think my pineal gland is hypersensitive to blue light...)

when i still have the spring in my step despite the lack of sleep

when i am just filled with this inexplicable sense of well-being

when i realised that lent term is over.

Malaysia Nite Dance Video

and there are some nice pictures from the dance itself =):

courtesy of shawn

courtesy of jinyang, who took the trouble to add in the special effects

The Stage

i love the stage.

i love being in the spotlight, hearing the audience applause, and even more, their cheers, and seeing the cameras flashing away.

i love the feeling of the heart thumping against the chest, the stifled screams of euphoria amidst pants for breathe in the wings of the stage right after the show, knowing we have put up our best.

i love, especially, the final curtain call, when you look at the crowd and the elated expressions of fellow performers and know that the tears and fears in previous months of preparation have finally paid off.

i love performing =)

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lent term was like a daze. three separate performances in seven weeks. the first was sandstorm, the second was malaysia night last sat, and the third was chisoc variety show yesterday. there were three different groups of people to work with and to get to know better, and oh yes, three distinct styles of dance to learn and grasp.

all three were pretty successful, though i have a biased fondness for you-know-which, merely because the group consisted of several close friends. nothing beats the support and encouragement for each other towards a common goal =).

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malaysia night

the publicity officer sold it as "the most excellent and lamentable tragedy of romeo and juliet" .
here's what the blurb said:-

"The most repulsive thing ever seen to (wo)mankind plays Juliet, an understudy pines for the handsome but mentally-challenged jock, and the club president plots to sabotage the show in the name of the country. Romeo cannot seem to remember any of his lines at all, and a very confused Fairy Godmother happens to crash the practice..."

the eccletic mix of characters indeed sent the audience into stitches from the beginning of the play till the end. there's some mockery of things malaysian , wonder if non-malaysians understood the it.

anyway, jinyang made a video of the show =) . they say pictures say a thousand words. what more a motion picture? hope you get a feel of the atmosphere :-



actually,i haven't watch the entire play myself, just snippets of it because while they are rehearsing, we who were in the finale dance were either backstage preparing or practicing outside the audi.

similarly, while the real show unfolded, we were crammed in the dressing room... taking photos!

the dancers- from both kenneith's dance and 'THE INDIAN DANCE!'

fairy god mother from hazelnut land! ding dong is hilarious.if you could watch him in action, both in the play and in the finale dance, you'll agree =)

shirley, the co-choreographer of the dance

weishen, my partner, trying to look cool

and so we performed. was quite pleased with how the dance actually turned out, considering that most of us are novices in social (?) dance. will upload the video of the dance soon.

and when the curtains finally closed... we were just immensely proud of the entire production =)

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a week later, at the same auditorium, it was the chisoc variety show.

(chisoc is only nominally chinese ( ie PRC). it's actual a hong kong society. the entire show was mainly in cantonese.)

it was a performance that caused me undue stress, partly because i was struggling through the middle of term, and partly because i couldn't seem to grasp the style of the dance ( being sexy.. sigh). anyway, it turned out not too bad afterall. and i was looking forward to the first sunday with no dance rehearsal.

from left: vicky, flora, me, nicola

nicola, co-choreographer, and me. notice our eyebags... signs of sleep deprivation toiling in camb in general

clara, kristy, nicola, and chris in various poses from the dance . clara's the main choreograher and item leader. she made me believe that it is possible to polish a 7 minute dance in about 2 months. she's amazing, both as a dancer and a leader.

michelle and theresa. we are all in basing!

and wanqian and weishen, who came all the way to churchill to support the show.

a big thank you to you!

Commitment

i need to feel sexy again. and to convince the audience that i AM sexy, to make them go, quoting a friend, 'OH YEAA'...

so the projects undertaken this term have the side benefit of teaching me how to increase my sexual appeal, to exude 'feminine confidence' (again, quoting a friend; this shows how clueless i was before on how to be sexy).

the last project of the term will take centrestage tonight. hope all goes well, if not with a bang, for the sake of those who poured in tremendous effort to make it an extravaganza.

i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy i am sexy ...haha.