Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Idealism
today dr mahathir came to camb for a dialogue session. most people were eager to meet him/ hear him speak, so places were filled quickly.
over the years i find it increaingly difficult to find a good role model that inspires, because it becomes exceedingly clear now that man is fallible, regardless of the acheivements he is capable of. when the skeletons in the closet were revealed, it is all just too disappointing.
so there was the man who led malaysia for 22 years in her then 46 years of independence. he was the man that built the twin towers, the KLIA, and the man who led malaysia through 2 financial crises. he was the one who gave us 'keranamu, malaysia'.
but it is becoming clear too that the problems that the country is facing now is not entirely unrelated to some of his policies and governance.
and throughout his short talk it seems like he was helpless in many ways when the nunbers are concerned. the realities of politics. in a democratic system.
i have no answer to where malaysia should go from this crossroad, not when the real world is so far from the ideal. it is so complex, when different interests protectiveness selfishness tactics schemes sin are all intertwined.
that's why classical physicists used to only work with ideal situations?
over the years i find it increaingly difficult to find a good role model that inspires, because it becomes exceedingly clear now that man is fallible, regardless of the acheivements he is capable of. when the skeletons in the closet were revealed, it is all just too disappointing.
so there was the man who led malaysia for 22 years in her then 46 years of independence. he was the man that built the twin towers, the KLIA, and the man who led malaysia through 2 financial crises. he was the one who gave us 'keranamu, malaysia'.
but it is becoming clear too that the problems that the country is facing now is not entirely unrelated to some of his policies and governance.
and throughout his short talk it seems like he was helpless in many ways when the nunbers are concerned. the realities of politics. in a democratic system.
i have no answer to where malaysia should go from this crossroad, not when the real world is so far from the ideal. it is so complex, when different interests protectiveness selfishness tactics schemes sin are all intertwined.
that's why classical physicists used to only work with ideal situations?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Snow at 4
the one who does not sleep gets his reward, for again i see the snow falling in utmost tranquillity when the rest of the world is asleeped =)
i wish the first phrase would translate into 'the one who is alert gets his reward' too.
i wish the first phrase would translate into 'the one who is alert gets his reward' too.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
University of Cambridge: 1209-2009
there were 800 years before, and hopefully many more to come.
i am in the middle of this, standing on the shoulders of giants.
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a glimpse of the light show:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7834839.stm
the light show was a spectacle in its own right, accompanied by the church bells in the background. but the themes and objects of the show was even more spectacular. it showed how far this place has moved humankind in the past 800 years, true to the first great commission in genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, " Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. "
there was the DNA double helix, the vasculature and the theory of evolution. the black hole, the binary code, latin poems, engineer's plant, the orchestra. there was the galaxy like diamonds in the sky, and fluorescence images of the cell.
a brief history of cambridge:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7834620.stm
there was isaac newton, charles darwin, stephen hawking. and the illustrations by quentin blake.
and throngs of students in their BA gowns and graduation hoods.
' ...you walk past the rooms where isaac newton worked, and you realised you are in a continuity. you are just one insignificant little person in this great cavalcade of history.'
' the university is not just looking back, it is also looking forward to the next 800 years.'
and so should i.
Friday, January 09, 2009
2009:The Phase Problem
that was the original title that i had in mind for this pre-lent term post. it was inspired by the question 'do you have any new year restolutions?'. i thought new year doesn't seem that significant anymore when a new academic year doesn't start with it, so i said no. clearly a student's perspective. i thought i might dreamed up some new aspirations two weeks into 2009, when the beginning of term looms closer. but it is 'no' as well.
as it is, this post is going to be a collection of random thoughts prior to the start of term.
i thought about what i actually think of living in benson court in the middle of holidays, when my room was one of the three that was lit. the lutyens was completely deserted. it was cold and occasionally foggy. it was winter so daylight was from 8 to 3.30. it was a mixed feeling. melancholy, but beautiful melancholy.
then people started moving back. a lot more chattering below my window, fewer bike spaces at the bike park, and a lot more emails in the hermes account. i thought about how i feel about people coming back, about how i feel like losing camb that i had to myself for a while to all the other students who are back...
i was stressed in the holidays because i knew i had work to catch up with but i was doing an insufficient portion of it; i blamed it on the ennui caused by lack of human contact. i am stressed now that term is starting, and i blame it on seeing my coursemates who are back, with whom i associate the term time workload. and i know i will be stressed during term itself because of the workload itself, the deadlines, the lack of rest. gah, camb is stressful, but beautifully so, because after both the tripos i have had i could look back and be amazed by the grace that sustained me through the academic year. there was unexpected providence here and there which made the picture a beautiful mosaic. and maybe like silver being purified in fire?
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i went to the market out of boredom yesterday. i noticed a bread stall, which i have noticed before but never really took notice of. the owner names his bread 'earthcrusts'. i went to sainsbury today out of necessity. i bought a piece of french brie, again. but i took notice of all the other kinds of cheese that i have yet to try and i remembered the bread stall in the market. i think i should aspire to try as many kinds of bread and cheese whilst i am still here. and the selection of soup, and jam, and parma ham to see how it is different from the usual ham, and yoghurt. and maybe go to mark and spencer's more, just to try how good 'good' pasta sauce can be, or how indulgent 'indulgence' coffee can be. after all, their fruit yoghurt was a notch better than others, and pretty memorable too.
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i thought of my recent spending habits. i think i have become less frugal and more spendthrift. i think i must have got over the conversion rate syndrome that affects almost everyone at least in their early days here. for instance, i no longer have qualms having coffee at nero or starbucks, and i no longer just opt for the basic cappuccino, but the limited edition cuppa. there is also less reservation about traveling, or watching a play or musical or show, or buying things that i like (which tend to be the more expensive option).
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what i really hope for for this coming term is to be able to sleep when i want to. restful, good quality sleep. otherwise it will be almost a torment, to be awake but zombified, to watch the clock tick away unproductively. it is here that i learnt that horlicks the malt drink is supposedly helpful for a good night's rest; it was never marketed that way in malaysia or singapore. there was a sleeping aid section in boots, and i discovered that a number of my friends have problems with getting quality sleep, some with conditions more severe than others. so much about humans who can control so much (or so they think) when they can't control their own sleep. this reminds me of a passage that i have written before but will write again:
'now listen, you who say,"today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.'
'what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes'. -James 4:13-14
my time in camb is coming to an end in less than 6 months.
no term has turned out to be as predicted thus far. what do i paint of this term?
as it is, this post is going to be a collection of random thoughts prior to the start of term.
i thought about what i actually think of living in benson court in the middle of holidays, when my room was one of the three that was lit. the lutyens was completely deserted. it was cold and occasionally foggy. it was winter so daylight was from 8 to 3.30. it was a mixed feeling. melancholy, but beautiful melancholy.
then people started moving back. a lot more chattering below my window, fewer bike spaces at the bike park, and a lot more emails in the hermes account. i thought about how i feel about people coming back, about how i feel like losing camb that i had to myself for a while to all the other students who are back...
i was stressed in the holidays because i knew i had work to catch up with but i was doing an insufficient portion of it; i blamed it on the ennui caused by lack of human contact. i am stressed now that term is starting, and i blame it on seeing my coursemates who are back, with whom i associate the term time workload. and i know i will be stressed during term itself because of the workload itself, the deadlines, the lack of rest. gah, camb is stressful, but beautifully so, because after both the tripos i have had i could look back and be amazed by the grace that sustained me through the academic year. there was unexpected providence here and there which made the picture a beautiful mosaic. and maybe like silver being purified in fire?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i went to the market out of boredom yesterday. i noticed a bread stall, which i have noticed before but never really took notice of. the owner names his bread 'earthcrusts'. i went to sainsbury today out of necessity. i bought a piece of french brie, again. but i took notice of all the other kinds of cheese that i have yet to try and i remembered the bread stall in the market. i think i should aspire to try as many kinds of bread and cheese whilst i am still here. and the selection of soup, and jam, and parma ham to see how it is different from the usual ham, and yoghurt. and maybe go to mark and spencer's more, just to try how good 'good' pasta sauce can be, or how indulgent 'indulgence' coffee can be. after all, their fruit yoghurt was a notch better than others, and pretty memorable too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i thought of my recent spending habits. i think i have become less frugal and more spendthrift. i think i must have got over the conversion rate syndrome that affects almost everyone at least in their early days here. for instance, i no longer have qualms having coffee at nero or starbucks, and i no longer just opt for the basic cappuccino, but the limited edition cuppa. there is also less reservation about traveling, or watching a play or musical or show, or buying things that i like (which tend to be the more expensive option).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what i really hope for for this coming term is to be able to sleep when i want to. restful, good quality sleep. otherwise it will be almost a torment, to be awake but zombified, to watch the clock tick away unproductively. it is here that i learnt that horlicks the malt drink is supposedly helpful for a good night's rest; it was never marketed that way in malaysia or singapore. there was a sleeping aid section in boots, and i discovered that a number of my friends have problems with getting quality sleep, some with conditions more severe than others. so much about humans who can control so much (or so they think) when they can't control their own sleep. this reminds me of a passage that i have written before but will write again:
'now listen, you who say,"today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.'
'what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes'. -James 4:13-14
my time in camb is coming to an end in less than 6 months.
no term has turned out to be as predicted thus far. what do i paint of this term?
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Lest I Forget
it is now exactly an hour after i sent mum and dad off at parkside. the room is back to its familiar spacious self again. it was like a dream, that 10 days with mum and dad around in uk and finally in camb. but it was real that they were here. they left so many things behind that it was impossible it was all but a dream. i was still wearing the plum coat and jeans when i stared into the mirror. the dinner they made for me is still in the pot all ready to be heated up. the orchid in the best position in the room. the carpet spick and span because dad vacuumed it before he left. and the shoes and food box reorganised in the way mum left it. but i couldn't find my white fluffy slippers... maybe they packed it in by accident and brought it home...
dad texted me just before he was to board the flight to london gatwick. i could imagine their excitement about coming to the uk. they had wanted to come since my first year here, but it was always too expensive. mum told me that she never thought of visiting scotland, and it all showed when both of them were excited over the sheep we saw on the train from edinburgh to camb. then mum said camb is the most beautiful place, more beautiful than york or edinburgh; it is pretty on any street or corner. i agree with her. i've always wanted to show mum and dad all i love about camb, and i am really glad they came. i hope they can come and see the rose-filled gardens and go punting in june, and marvel at how it would still be bright at 9pm, like how they marvelled at how dark it could get at 3.30pm.
i tried to show mum and dad how independent i could be here, to prove that the little girl has grown up. so i tried to take charge of all the planning, the bookings, the itineraries, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the washing up. and i realised how bossy and impatient i could appear to be sometimes, wanting things done my way. oh, the impatience. i need to be more patient and gentle in speech. but towards the end of the 10 days with mum and dad, i relented. i let them do the dishes, vacuum my floor, and buy me things. it was lovely to be taken care of again, like tohave people to nag you to drink warm water, to shower earlier, to eat proper food. parental care is one great blessing from God, and i am all too grateful that my parents are god-fearing people too.
so it is just 6 more months before i see the dear faces again in the uk, or maybe in europe. then it would be more familiar faces because the 2 brothers will be coming too. but i have a scary task before m-- i need to meet the tripos first, and i really want to do well because i am given so much to be able to do so. i am still scared of it, though i have been through it twice. but there is a hope that i think will sustain me. like a friend who always said 'for the life ahead'.
dad texted me just before he was to board the flight to london gatwick. i could imagine their excitement about coming to the uk. they had wanted to come since my first year here, but it was always too expensive. mum told me that she never thought of visiting scotland, and it all showed when both of them were excited over the sheep we saw on the train from edinburgh to camb. then mum said camb is the most beautiful place, more beautiful than york or edinburgh; it is pretty on any street or corner. i agree with her. i've always wanted to show mum and dad all i love about camb, and i am really glad they came. i hope they can come and see the rose-filled gardens and go punting in june, and marvel at how it would still be bright at 9pm, like how they marvelled at how dark it could get at 3.30pm.
i tried to show mum and dad how independent i could be here, to prove that the little girl has grown up. so i tried to take charge of all the planning, the bookings, the itineraries, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the washing up. and i realised how bossy and impatient i could appear to be sometimes, wanting things done my way. oh, the impatience. i need to be more patient and gentle in speech. but towards the end of the 10 days with mum and dad, i relented. i let them do the dishes, vacuum my floor, and buy me things. it was lovely to be taken care of again, like tohave people to nag you to drink warm water, to shower earlier, to eat proper food. parental care is one great blessing from God, and i am all too grateful that my parents are god-fearing people too.
so it is just 6 more months before i see the dear faces again in the uk, or maybe in europe. then it would be more familiar faces because the 2 brothers will be coming too. but i have a scary task before m-- i need to meet the tripos first, and i really want to do well because i am given so much to be able to do so. i am still scared of it, though i have been through it twice. but there is a hope that i think will sustain me. like a friend who always said 'for the life ahead'.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
From Pole to Pole
i am anticipating the mad head-dive into life in camb again. it may be easier than expected, like how second year seems calmer, albeit only initially, with the necessary mental preparation. or it may be not, because the biochem dept is oh-so-keen.
do you know what happens when you transfer bacteria from 42 degrees water bath into ice directly?
they take in DNA non-discriminately.
but bacteria cannot think.
Monday, August 04, 2008
My Head is Muddled
i had my second lab meeting since i started work here today. it lasted from 11am to 6pm, including a one-hour lunch break. it wasn't longer than the first meeting in london 3 weeks ago, but after the meeting today my head was so muddled that i didn't know what to do and i ended up in borders flipping through fashion magazines for an hour; i intended to read travel guides.
my head was muddled mainly because i don't understand the presentations. then i was puzzled by how the rest of the lab could keep up with the presenters and grill them with questions/ offer them suggestions as the day stretched into the evening. then it was a phase of depression as my colleagues mull over the streak of expt failures that the lab was experiencing.
my lab hasn't been able to clone anything lately, and cloning is supposed to be the most basic of biochem expts. they found the first problem; it was the water that the lab was using. but the problem persisted, despite them switching to an ultra expensive kit that costs GBP600 for 20 reactions. imagine the frustration of 3 post-docs and one phd student trying to clone something that is supposedly not complicated at all. imagine the puzzlement when more complicated expts are working fine.
on the other hand, i am in awe of the knowledge of some of the people at the meeting. the five presentations we had today were on different topics and involved different techniques, but the two young PIs (only in their early thirties at most) at the meeting seem to know so much that they were able to offer suggestions and advice on all of them. i wonder if i could be a PI one day. if i could, at what age. in the uk, you are given a maximum of 6 years of post-doc position to prove yourself worthy of a PI position. otherwise, you will have to think of an alternative career.
i think i am not imaginative enough to be a good scientist, yet. i think i lack the innovation. i need to daydream crazy ideas, find ways to test them, and bang my way through the blips along the way to persevere to the end.
but first, i need to sort out the muddle in my head. i need to stop being so easily muddled.
sometimes i wonder if i really want to be a PI
my head was muddled mainly because i don't understand the presentations. then i was puzzled by how the rest of the lab could keep up with the presenters and grill them with questions/ offer them suggestions as the day stretched into the evening. then it was a phase of depression as my colleagues mull over the streak of expt failures that the lab was experiencing.
my lab hasn't been able to clone anything lately, and cloning is supposed to be the most basic of biochem expts. they found the first problem; it was the water that the lab was using. but the problem persisted, despite them switching to an ultra expensive kit that costs GBP600 for 20 reactions. imagine the frustration of 3 post-docs and one phd student trying to clone something that is supposedly not complicated at all. imagine the puzzlement when more complicated expts are working fine.
on the other hand, i am in awe of the knowledge of some of the people at the meeting. the five presentations we had today were on different topics and involved different techniques, but the two young PIs (only in their early thirties at most) at the meeting seem to know so much that they were able to offer suggestions and advice on all of them. i wonder if i could be a PI one day. if i could, at what age. in the uk, you are given a maximum of 6 years of post-doc position to prove yourself worthy of a PI position. otherwise, you will have to think of an alternative career.
i think i am not imaginative enough to be a good scientist, yet. i think i lack the innovation. i need to daydream crazy ideas, find ways to test them, and bang my way through the blips along the way to persevere to the end.
but first, i need to sort out the muddle in my head. i need to stop being so easily muddled.
the lab at picnic during lunch
colleague 1: are you going to the lab? can you get me some ethanol? 96% ethanol, 400ml.
colleague 2: ok...i thought we are going for lunch?
colleague 1: ya. i am going to barbecue the chorizo i brought.
colleague 2: ok...i thought we are going for lunch?
colleague 1: ya. i am going to barbecue the chorizo i brought.
sometimes i wonder if i really want to be a PI
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Malaysian Identity
this few weeks in oxford has made me more aware of my Malaysian identity than never before. it is because I am surrounded by internationals both at work and at where I am staying now. I am staying at the commonwealth house, which provides accommodation to international visitors to oxford. a typical conversation with people I just met goes like this: I say my name, then I answer the questions where I am from and what I am doing in oxford. then they will enquire about Malaysia, if they vaguely know where the country is or have been for a visit. otherwise, I will feel obliged to tell them something about Malaysia after they have shared about their own countries.
my lab is an incredibly cosmopolitan one. there are 9 of us currently in oxford- the remaining half of the lab is still in London. in the 9, there are 4 british, 1 portuguese, 1 italian, 1 french, 1 new Zealander and 1 malaysian. over our many meals in a day together ( morning coffee, lunch , afternoon tea, and sometimes after-work pub outing… it’s amazing how this lab still publishes papers), the different accents compare how things are in their respective countries, from the weather to scientific practices like wearing labcoats in the lab. during lunch today, we discussed what food to bring for the upcoming lab meeting. it seems expected that we each will be bringing our ‘national dish’. I would have said nasi lemak if i really had to. anyway, it seems like we are going to have the English roast lamb with rosemary and the Portuguese rabbit in port for lunch on the day of the lab meeting. and it seems like we will be having a different type of typically English biscuits for tea each week in the coming weeks because many of us don’t know about them. yesterday, we talked about weddings; the day before we talked about taking driving tests… scientists are ordinary people you see… =)
through the many conversations I have had, I think Malaysians (or Singaporeans for that matter) should not have more difficulty than other Europeans when it comes to settling down in the UK. the continental Europeans are as different from the british as are Asians to the ‘angmohs’. perhaps I am really slow in realizing this. in fact, Malaysians ( and Singaporeans) should be able to adjust more easily because we speak ‘very good english’ and are exposed to much more british culture than we are aware of.
also, I have realized that being Malaysian allows you to identify with people from china, India, and sometimes the middle east as well. for instance, the prc Chinese are often amazed to find that you have a Chinese name and can speak mandarin. since you speak mandarin, they will start inviting you to the social events for Chinese people (which refers to people from china). the Indians I have met have been pleasantly surprised that I could name and describe some of their Indian dishes like the roti canai, which they called prata (so roti prata is the more accurate name for this dough-y thing), and that we have tamil vernacular schools. and the middle easterns all know about petronas.
the malaysian culture is rich and therefore-dare I say- popular. a conversation with an English missionary who was based in KL earlier today set me thinking: what good will it do to the nation, then, if the government still plays by divide-and-conquer tactics. oxford is vibrant because it welcomes internationals. what makes Malaysia if it alienates ethnics who are but Malaysians?
my lab is an incredibly cosmopolitan one. there are 9 of us currently in oxford- the remaining half of the lab is still in London. in the 9, there are 4 british, 1 portuguese, 1 italian, 1 french, 1 new Zealander and 1 malaysian. over our many meals in a day together ( morning coffee, lunch , afternoon tea, and sometimes after-work pub outing… it’s amazing how this lab still publishes papers), the different accents compare how things are in their respective countries, from the weather to scientific practices like wearing labcoats in the lab. during lunch today, we discussed what food to bring for the upcoming lab meeting. it seems expected that we each will be bringing our ‘national dish’. I would have said nasi lemak if i really had to. anyway, it seems like we are going to have the English roast lamb with rosemary and the Portuguese rabbit in port for lunch on the day of the lab meeting. and it seems like we will be having a different type of typically English biscuits for tea each week in the coming weeks because many of us don’t know about them. yesterday, we talked about weddings; the day before we talked about taking driving tests… scientists are ordinary people you see… =)
through the many conversations I have had, I think Malaysians (or Singaporeans for that matter) should not have more difficulty than other Europeans when it comes to settling down in the UK. the continental Europeans are as different from the british as are Asians to the ‘angmohs’. perhaps I am really slow in realizing this. in fact, Malaysians ( and Singaporeans) should be able to adjust more easily because we speak ‘very good english’ and are exposed to much more british culture than we are aware of.
also, I have realized that being Malaysian allows you to identify with people from china, India, and sometimes the middle east as well. for instance, the prc Chinese are often amazed to find that you have a Chinese name and can speak mandarin. since you speak mandarin, they will start inviting you to the social events for Chinese people (which refers to people from china). the Indians I have met have been pleasantly surprised that I could name and describe some of their Indian dishes like the roti canai, which they called prata (so roti prata is the more accurate name for this dough-y thing), and that we have tamil vernacular schools. and the middle easterns all know about petronas.
the malaysian culture is rich and therefore-dare I say- popular. a conversation with an English missionary who was based in KL earlier today set me thinking: what good will it do to the nation, then, if the government still plays by divide-and-conquer tactics. oxford is vibrant because it welcomes internationals. what makes Malaysia if it alienates ethnics who are but Malaysians?
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Tripos Epilogue
i have envisaged this for a long time, and it has materialized =). here I am at café nero at 7 in the morning, sipping a nice cup of mocha =). the streets are still quiet, and it was bliss dashing down the empty streets on a bike, hoping to be the first customer at the café. I didn’t make it in time; I was third. but it doesn’t matter =)
and so the grueling 2-week long tripos ended yesterday. I made it, but I know it was solely by Grace that I made it through.
The Stress
the tension started building up since the beginning of easter hols. by 2 weeks into easter term i think the stress had taken it’s toll. I became very irritable, and anything that I thought was taking longer than it should was a waste of my time. and so, I became grumpy when I had to wait in the queue at Sainsbury, when I had taken too long to choose which box of cereal to buy, when lecturers weren’t making sense during lectures, when X-gal staining needed an hour’s incubation. I even walked out of a supervision because I thought my supervisor was waffling. I didn’t even go around taking pictures of the blossoms, the tulips, the roses when they first bloomed…
but there was cg, up till week 4, just a week before my exams. and I am the new cg leader. when we were briefed by joel the cf president, I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities lay ahead, especially in exam term! I have always struggled to keep my walk with God during exam time, as my heart and mind are always in such chaos that it is nearly impossible to keep still to listen. I know I would never be able to lead a cg in such a state. to lead means to encourage others, to keep them in prayer, to make sure the exam stress and fury doesn’t take over our fellowship and our dependence on God.
and so wanlin and I set out plans, prayed about them, and re-prayed about them again and again. and miraculously, we sustained cooking dinner, bible study and worship, and prayer pointers for all 4 sessions with volunteered help from the cg. that was awesome =)
Sacrifices for Friends
we read about having to make sacrifices in friendships in one of the bible study sessions, and we contemplated what defines a sacrifice. to sacrifice is to give up something that is most precious to you. so, giving chocolates to a friend isn’t a sacrifice; giving your last cup of rice to your neighbour in a disaster zone is sacrifice. and so for me, as time is most precious in exam term, to sacrifice is to take time to listen to those who needed a listening ear and to encourage those who needed encouragement.
mabel and shu-en have been very good role models to me in this. their room is always open to anyone who needed someone to visit. and their ears too, to anyone who needed listening ears. on every saturday night throughout the term, they will invite just anybody who would drop by for dessert or dinner, for unwinding after a week’s of hard work. why, the duo even made me a cake on my birthday, when it was so close to their own exams!
The Grace
I spoke about the Grace that sustained me. in material terms, Grace manifested as loving parents. I had at least 18 smses, one before and after each of my 9 papers from my dad to assure me that the family is keeping me in prayer. all 18 were sent out at the correct time, meaning my dad kept track of my exam timetable, even when he was abroad in china. Grace also manifested as a strong fellowship with the cg. when I was in full panic mode just before plants paper 1 last wed night, I msged sam to pray for me. he did and assured me he would continue till the end of my exam.
most importantly, Grace manifested in God’s word itself. he kept the Bible, in which He said ‘ Behold, I am God… is there anything too difficult for Me?’ in jeremiah 32:27. then I understood why some of my material is so complex. it is because they try to capture the wondrous workings of an all-powerful God. learning science has only made me more firmly believe in creation. Grace has also manifested as peace and rest in God Himself. i now know why there is a Sabbath day. it is so that people can be renewed in energy and spirits in their work.
last year, I spoke about removing the cup of tripos from me in my post-tripos entry. I still had the cups this year, but it was filled with something new.
Roses
on 23rd may when i had my first paper-- plant prac
on 6th june when i finished my last --bmb prac =)
and so the grueling 2-week long tripos ended yesterday. I made it, but I know it was solely by Grace that I made it through.
The Stress
the tension started building up since the beginning of easter hols. by 2 weeks into easter term i think the stress had taken it’s toll. I became very irritable, and anything that I thought was taking longer than it should was a waste of my time. and so, I became grumpy when I had to wait in the queue at Sainsbury, when I had taken too long to choose which box of cereal to buy, when lecturers weren’t making sense during lectures, when X-gal staining needed an hour’s incubation. I even walked out of a supervision because I thought my supervisor was waffling. I didn’t even go around taking pictures of the blossoms, the tulips, the roses when they first bloomed…
but there was cg, up till week 4, just a week before my exams. and I am the new cg leader. when we were briefed by joel the cf president, I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities lay ahead, especially in exam term! I have always struggled to keep my walk with God during exam time, as my heart and mind are always in such chaos that it is nearly impossible to keep still to listen. I know I would never be able to lead a cg in such a state. to lead means to encourage others, to keep them in prayer, to make sure the exam stress and fury doesn’t take over our fellowship and our dependence on God.
and so wanlin and I set out plans, prayed about them, and re-prayed about them again and again. and miraculously, we sustained cooking dinner, bible study and worship, and prayer pointers for all 4 sessions with volunteered help from the cg. that was awesome =)
Sacrifices for Friends
we read about having to make sacrifices in friendships in one of the bible study sessions, and we contemplated what defines a sacrifice. to sacrifice is to give up something that is most precious to you. so, giving chocolates to a friend isn’t a sacrifice; giving your last cup of rice to your neighbour in a disaster zone is sacrifice. and so for me, as time is most precious in exam term, to sacrifice is to take time to listen to those who needed a listening ear and to encourage those who needed encouragement.
mabel and shu-en have been very good role models to me in this. their room is always open to anyone who needed someone to visit. and their ears too, to anyone who needed listening ears. on every saturday night throughout the term, they will invite just anybody who would drop by for dessert or dinner, for unwinding after a week’s of hard work. why, the duo even made me a cake on my birthday, when it was so close to their own exams!
The Grace
I spoke about the Grace that sustained me. in material terms, Grace manifested as loving parents. I had at least 18 smses, one before and after each of my 9 papers from my dad to assure me that the family is keeping me in prayer. all 18 were sent out at the correct time, meaning my dad kept track of my exam timetable, even when he was abroad in china. Grace also manifested as a strong fellowship with the cg. when I was in full panic mode just before plants paper 1 last wed night, I msged sam to pray for me. he did and assured me he would continue till the end of my exam.
most importantly, Grace manifested in God’s word itself. he kept the Bible, in which He said ‘ Behold, I am God… is there anything too difficult for Me?’ in jeremiah 32:27. then I understood why some of my material is so complex. it is because they try to capture the wondrous workings of an all-powerful God. learning science has only made me more firmly believe in creation. Grace has also manifested as peace and rest in God Himself. i now know why there is a Sabbath day. it is so that people can be renewed in energy and spirits in their work.
last year, I spoke about removing the cup of tripos from me in my post-tripos entry. I still had the cups this year, but it was filled with something new.
Roses
on 23rd may when i had my first paper-- plant prac
on 6th june when i finished my last --bmb prac =)Thursday, June 05, 2008
MSN Snapshots
'here we go Q.E.D.'
hmm.. don't quite understand this
' jia you people!'
encouragement from one who has reached the finish line
'One last paper to go. Hanging on for another 24h.'
encouragement from one who is running with me.
'OH MY TIAN...can this day get any worse? 2X faulty microscopes for path EXAM, cant finish CDB and my kitchen on FIRE?! ahhhhhhhh '
clearly a sign of distress. i didn't finish mine too... does that help ease the tension?
'for the life ahead- missing a piece of himself '
the thought of someone motivates him.
'byebye undergrad life. sigh'
a veteran by now.
'Don't be afraid of exam, it means you'll have another trip like this before the next one..=)..dedicated to my ski buddies.. '
think happy thoughts. this reminds me of 'my favourite things' from the sound of music
'I actually love pathology'
self-discovery during the race?
'2 hours of sleep in 50 hours.'
he must have really been in the panic mode he described last monday.
'lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal'
erm... this is self-explanatory?
today is the 2nd last day of my 1B Tripos. there is no denial about the exhaustion.
'with all my MIGHT, and the MIGHT of my God- I WILL GET THROUGH THIS'
p/s: i hope the people from whom i have quoted above wouldn't mind the plagiarism. or i can put your name at the end of your words to give you full credit to it =) just drop me a note
hmm.. don't quite understand this
' jia you people!'
encouragement from one who has reached the finish line
'One last paper to go. Hanging on for another 24h.'
encouragement from one who is running with me.
'OH MY TIAN...can this day get any worse? 2X faulty microscopes for path EXAM, cant finish CDB and my kitchen on FIRE?! ahhhhhhhh '
clearly a sign of distress. i didn't finish mine too... does that help ease the tension?
'for the life ahead- missing a piece of himself '
the thought of someone motivates him.
'byebye undergrad life. sigh'
a veteran by now.
'Don't be afraid of exam, it means you'll have another trip like this before the next one..=)..dedicated to my ski buddies.. '
think happy thoughts. this reminds me of 'my favourite things' from the sound of music
'I actually love pathology'
self-discovery during the race?
'2 hours of sleep in 50 hours.'
he must have really been in the panic mode he described last monday.
'lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal'
erm... this is self-explanatory?
today is the 2nd last day of my 1B Tripos. there is no denial about the exhaustion.
'with all my MIGHT, and the MIGHT of my God- I WILL GET THROUGH THIS'
p/s: i hope the people from whom i have quoted above wouldn't mind the plagiarism. or i can put your name at the end of your words to give you full credit to it =) just drop me a note
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It is past 5am in KL now
on the 23rd of May 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
=D=D=D
haha! i sort of planned this post a long time ago. now that i finally get to write it, it all seems surreal.
i am 21, and i am going to take my first Tripos 1B paper
'Pray that we will learn to delight in God’s creation, and never stop thanking Him for it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
=D=D=D
haha! i sort of planned this post a long time ago. now that i finally get to write it, it all seems surreal.
i am 21, and i am going to take my first Tripos 1B paper
'Pray that we will learn to delight in God’s creation, and never stop thanking Him for it.
That we will know how to use and enjoy the good things He has given us responsibly.
That even in the little things and small pleasures of the day, we will be thanking God for the joys these bring. '
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Passing Ramblings...
the daffodils came and went
so did the tulips, which were of a different colour from last year's.
it is now the season of the roses, and they are blooming just beneath my windows.
my last lecture of the year ended at 12 this afternoon, and that marked the end of official lessons of my 2nd year in camb. it was a plant lecture on GM crops. it reminded me of how science is directly relevant to the society, how knowledge is power for changing public opinion.
i sat along king's parade to people-watch last saturday, after my plant lecture. i see tourists snapping away at the magnificent king's college chapel, and see the graduates walking into senate house in their smart robes, with family members beaming alongside.
one day i will be both, both the graduate and the tourist, who cannot resist snapping away because she loves this place so much.
so did the tulips, which were of a different colour from last year's.
it is now the season of the roses, and they are blooming just beneath my windows.
my last lecture of the year ended at 12 this afternoon, and that marked the end of official lessons of my 2nd year in camb. it was a plant lecture on GM crops. it reminded me of how science is directly relevant to the society, how knowledge is power for changing public opinion.
i sat along king's parade to people-watch last saturday, after my plant lecture. i see tourists snapping away at the magnificent king's college chapel, and see the graduates walking into senate house in their smart robes, with family members beaming alongside.
one day i will be both, both the graduate and the tourist, who cannot resist snapping away because she loves this place so much.
I Cry Many Times in a Year
but there is always this once in may that is different.
it is when i read john's writing. his words are so sincere, that i can hear his voice.
i miss him, really. always.
it is when i read john's writing. his words are so sincere, that i can hear his voice.
i miss him, really. always.
Friday, April 11, 2008
I Know I Have Grown
when i can handle rejections.
and when disappointments do not translate into depression.
thank you mum and dad for your concerns =)
and when disappointments do not translate into depression.
thank you mum and dad for your concerns =)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Little Acts of Kindness
little acts of kindness like these make my day =)
today i came back to my room to find my rubbish bin cleared, my carpet vacuumed,and my sink scrubbed to sparkly cleanness! the bedder must have come by for the termly cleaning. sometimes i am envious of friends whose college still has the full bedder service, i.e. the bedder comes by to vacuum your floor, scrub your sink, change your sheets (!) and clear your bin, at least on a weekly basis. contrast this to magd bedders who only clear my bin if i put it out in the morning.
it's not that i am lazy or that i have been living in a mess before the bedder came by today; it's just this nice feeling of being taken care of that i miss, especially when work is stressing me out and i am missing home.
well to be fair, magd has quite good supporting service.in the last lent term, my personal desk lamp stopped working one day. the replacement bulb-S i bought from sains all wouldn't make it work again. so i went to the clerk of works to see if he would be willing to help me. you see, the lamp is my own, not a college property, and it is a different kind from the ones that the college provides, so the clerk of works really has all the reasons for not helping. but he did =) on the expense of his television! he found that the fuse of my lamp was broken. he didn't have a spare one at that moment so he took the one from his tv to fit into my lamp! i was so touched!
and there is also the computing office and bob the handyman. the last time my laptop broke down, the guy from the computing office spent hours to find out what's wrong with it. he then gave me advice on how to get it repaired. then bob the handyman helped me searched the stores for a suitably sized box fot mailing my laptop to the manufacturer.
such little acts of kindness are especially cherishable in times of distressed =)
people in general like being taken care of =)
today i came back to my room to find my rubbish bin cleared, my carpet vacuumed,and my sink scrubbed to sparkly cleanness! the bedder must have come by for the termly cleaning. sometimes i am envious of friends whose college still has the full bedder service, i.e. the bedder comes by to vacuum your floor, scrub your sink, change your sheets (!) and clear your bin, at least on a weekly basis. contrast this to magd bedders who only clear my bin if i put it out in the morning.
it's not that i am lazy or that i have been living in a mess before the bedder came by today; it's just this nice feeling of being taken care of that i miss, especially when work is stressing me out and i am missing home.
well to be fair, magd has quite good supporting service.in the last lent term, my personal desk lamp stopped working one day. the replacement bulb-S i bought from sains all wouldn't make it work again. so i went to the clerk of works to see if he would be willing to help me. you see, the lamp is my own, not a college property, and it is a different kind from the ones that the college provides, so the clerk of works really has all the reasons for not helping. but he did =) on the expense of his television! he found that the fuse of my lamp was broken. he didn't have a spare one at that moment so he took the one from his tv to fit into my lamp! i was so touched!
and there is also the computing office and bob the handyman. the last time my laptop broke down, the guy from the computing office spent hours to find out what's wrong with it. he then gave me advice on how to get it repaired. then bob the handyman helped me searched the stores for a suitably sized box fot mailing my laptop to the manufacturer.
such little acts of kindness are especially cherishable in times of distressed =)
people in general like being taken care of =)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
White Bread
reminds me of home.
i have never bought white bread for myself; the loaf of white bread that i have now was not bought for my own, which is why i bought it in the first place.
eating it with margarine alone reminds me of breakfast at home. when was the last time i chewed on white bread covered with creamy yellow margarine? i have insisted that it is almost as unhealthy as breakfast can get, with nothing else but refined carbs and fat.
but ah, i couldn't resist spreading a slice of white bread with creamy yellow margarine just now, to fold it into half and to eat it on its own. no tomatoes, no lettuce, no tuna. just bread and margarine. white bread and creamy yellow margarine.
i have never bought white bread for myself; the loaf of white bread that i have now was not bought for my own, which is why i bought it in the first place.
eating it with margarine alone reminds me of breakfast at home. when was the last time i chewed on white bread covered with creamy yellow margarine? i have insisted that it is almost as unhealthy as breakfast can get, with nothing else but refined carbs and fat.
but ah, i couldn't resist spreading a slice of white bread with creamy yellow margarine just now, to fold it into half and to eat it on its own. no tomatoes, no lettuce, no tuna. just bread and margarine. white bread and creamy yellow margarine.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Divide to Multiply
ron laskey asks why cancer is so uncommon, citing that it takes only a few out of the 10000 trillion cells in the body to be 'anti-social' for tumour formation. he directs us to the rigorous checkpoints that control the cell cycle.
robin hesketh asks why cancer is so common, citing that it takes multiple mutations for a cell to be immortalised and transformed to become cancerous. he directs us to the accumulation of mutations with each cell cycle.
the same cell cycle and checkpoint controls, but evaluated differently.
it is like asking whether the glass is half full or half empty. people will tell you the answer depends on whether you are an optimist or pessimist.
similarly, a situation can be seen in two different lights.
i know that when God closes a door, He opens another. or maybe He rather that i stay in the same room and not go anywhere. but the point is, i can see the situation from contrasting viewpoints, but He only sees one-- He sees what is best for me.
robin hesketh asks why cancer is so common, citing that it takes multiple mutations for a cell to be immortalised and transformed to become cancerous. he directs us to the accumulation of mutations with each cell cycle.
the same cell cycle and checkpoint controls, but evaluated differently.
it is like asking whether the glass is half full or half empty. people will tell you the answer depends on whether you are an optimist or pessimist.
similarly, a situation can be seen in two different lights.
i know that when God closes a door, He opens another. or maybe He rather that i stay in the same room and not go anywhere. but the point is, i can see the situation from contrasting viewpoints, but He only sees one-- He sees what is best for me.
