Tripos Epilogue

i have envisaged this for a long time, and it has materialized =). here I am at café nero at 7 in the morning, sipping a nice cup of mocha =). the streets are still quiet, and it was bliss dashing down the empty streets on a bike, hoping to be the first customer at the café. I didn’t make it in time; I was third. but it doesn’t matter =)

and so the grueling 2-week long tripos ended yesterday. I made it, but I know it was solely by Grace that I made it through.



The Stress
the tension started building up since the beginning of easter hols. by 2 weeks into easter term i think the stress had taken it’s toll. I became very irritable, and anything that I thought was taking longer than it should was a waste of my time. and so, I became grumpy when I had to wait in the queue at Sainsbury, when I had taken too long to choose which box of cereal to buy, when lecturers weren’t making sense during lectures, when X-gal staining needed an hour’s incubation. I even walked out of a supervision because I thought my supervisor was waffling. I didn’t even go around taking pictures of the blossoms, the tulips, the roses when they first bloomed…

but there was cg, up till week 4, just a week before my exams. and I am the new cg leader. when we were briefed by joel the cf president, I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities lay ahead, especially in exam term! I have always struggled to keep my walk with God during exam time, as my heart and mind are always in such chaos that it is nearly impossible to keep still to listen. I know I would never be able to lead a cg in such a state. to lead means to encourage others, to keep them in prayer, to make sure the exam stress and fury doesn’t take over our fellowship and our dependence on God.

and so wanlin and I set out plans, prayed about them, and re-prayed about them again and again. and miraculously, we sustained cooking dinner, bible study and worship, and prayer pointers for all 4 sessions with volunteered help from the cg. that was awesome =)



Sacrifices for Friends
we read about having to make sacrifices in friendships in one of the bible study sessions, and we contemplated what defines a sacrifice. to sacrifice is to give up something that is most precious to you. so, giving chocolates to a friend isn’t a sacrifice; giving your last cup of rice to your neighbour in a disaster zone is sacrifice. and so for me, as time is most precious in exam term, to sacrifice is to take time to listen to those who needed a listening ear and to encourage those who needed encouragement.

mabel and shu-en have been very good role models to me in this. their room is always open to anyone who needed someone to visit. and their ears too, to anyone who needed listening ears. on every saturday night throughout the term, they will invite just anybody who would drop by for dessert or dinner, for unwinding after a week’s of hard work. why, the duo even made me a cake on my birthday, when it was so close to their own exams!



The Grace
I spoke about the Grace that sustained me. in material terms, Grace manifested as loving parents. I had at least 18 smses, one before and after each of my 9 papers from my dad to assure me that the family is keeping me in prayer. all 18 were sent out at the correct time, meaning my dad kept track of my exam timetable, even when he was abroad in china. Grace also manifested as a strong fellowship with the cg. when I was in full panic mode just before plants paper 1 last wed night, I msged sam to pray for me. he did and assured me he would continue till the end of my exam.

most importantly, Grace manifested in God’s word itself. he kept the Bible, in which He said ‘ Behold, I am God… is there anything too difficult for Me?’ in jeremiah 32:27. then I understood why some of my material is so complex. it is because they try to capture the wondrous workings of an all-powerful God. learning science has only made me more firmly believe in creation. Grace has also manifested as peace and rest in God Himself. i now know why there is a Sabbath day. it is so that people can be renewed in energy and spirits in their work.







last year, I spoke about removing the cup of tripos from me in my post-tripos entry. I still had the cups this year, but it was filled with something new.



Roses

on 23rd may when i had my first paper-- plant prac

on 6th june when i finished my last --bmb prac =)

MSN Snapshots

'here we go Q.E.D.'
hmm.. don't quite understand this

' jia you people!'
encouragement from one who has reached the finish line

'One last paper to go. Hanging on for another 24h.'
encouragement from one who is running with me.

'OH MY TIAN...can this day get any worse? 2X faulty microscopes for path EXAM, cant finish CDB and my kitchen on FIRE?! ahhhhhhhh '
clearly a sign of distress. i didn't finish mine too... does that help ease the tension?

'for the life ahead- missing a piece of himself '
the thought of someone motivates him.

'byebye undergrad life. sigh'
a veteran by now.

'Don't be afraid of exam, it means you'll have another trip like this before the next one..=)..dedicated to my ski buddies.. '
think happy thoughts. this reminds me of 'my favourite things' from the sound of music

'I actually love pathology'
self-discovery during the race?

'2 hours of sleep in 50 hours.'
he must have really been in the panic mode he described last monday.

'lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal'
erm... this is self-explanatory?


today is the 2nd last day of my 1B Tripos. there is no denial about the exhaustion.

'with all my MIGHT, and the MIGHT of my God- I WILL GET THROUGH THIS'


p/s: i hope the people from whom i have quoted above wouldn't mind the plagiarism. or i can put your name at the end of your words to give you full credit to it =) just drop me a note

Seeking Sources of Motivation

first http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/motorsport/formula_one/7419319.stm

then http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7419304.stm

It is past 5am in KL now

on the 23rd of May 2008


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
=D=D=D



haha! i sort of planned this post a long time ago. now that i finally get to write it, it all seems surreal.





i am 21, and i am going to take my first Tripos 1B paper

'Pray that we will learn to delight in God’s creation, and never stop thanking Him for it.

That we will know how to use and enjoy the good things He has given us responsibly.

That even in the little things and small pleasures of the day, we will be thanking God for the joys these bring. '

Passing Ramblings...

the daffodils came and went
so did the tulips, which were of a different colour from last year's.
it is now the season of the roses, and they are blooming just beneath my windows.

my last lecture of the year ended at 12 this afternoon, and that marked the end of official lessons of my 2nd year in camb. it was a plant lecture on GM crops. it reminded me of how science is directly relevant to the society, how knowledge is power for changing public opinion.

i sat along king's parade to people-watch last saturday, after my plant lecture. i see tourists snapping away at the magnificent king's college chapel, and see the graduates walking into senate house in their smart robes, with family members beaming alongside.

one day i will be both, both the graduate and the tourist, who cannot resist snapping away because she loves this place so much.

I Cry Many Times in a Year

but there is always this once in may that is different.

it is when i read john's writing. his words are so sincere, that i can hear his voice.


i miss him, really. always.

I Know I Have Grown

when i can handle rejections.
and when disappointments do not translate into depression.

thank you mum and dad for your concerns =)

Little Acts of Kindness

little acts of kindness like these make my day =)

today i came back to my room to find my rubbish bin cleared, my carpet vacuumed,and my sink scrubbed to sparkly cleanness! the bedder must have come by for the termly cleaning. sometimes i am envious of friends whose college still has the full bedder service, i.e. the bedder comes by to vacuum your floor, scrub your sink, change your sheets (!) and clear your bin, at least on a weekly basis. contrast this to magd bedders who only clear my bin if i put it out in the morning.

it's not that i am lazy or that i have been living in a mess before the bedder came by today; it's just this nice feeling of being taken care of that i miss, especially when work is stressing me out and i am missing home.

well to be fair, magd has quite good supporting service.in the last lent term, my personal desk lamp stopped working one day. the replacement bulb-S i bought from sains all wouldn't make it work again. so i went to the clerk of works to see if he would be willing to help me. you see, the lamp is my own, not a college property, and it is a different kind from the ones that the college provides, so the clerk of works really has all the reasons for not helping. but he did =) on the expense of his television! he found that the fuse of my lamp was broken. he didn't have a spare one at that moment so he took the one from his tv to fit into my lamp! i was so touched!

and there is also the computing office and bob the handyman. the last time my laptop broke down, the guy from the computing office spent hours to find out what's wrong with it. he then gave me advice on how to get it repaired. then bob the handyman helped me searched the stores for a suitably sized box fot mailing my laptop to the manufacturer.

such little acts of kindness are especially cherishable in times of distressed =)
people in general like being taken care of =)

White Bread

reminds me of home.

i have never bought white bread for myself; the loaf of white bread that i have now was not bought for my own, which is why i bought it in the first place.

eating it with margarine alone reminds me of breakfast at home. when was the last time i chewed on white bread covered with creamy yellow margarine? i have insisted that it is almost as unhealthy as breakfast can get, with nothing else but refined carbs and fat.

but ah, i couldn't resist spreading a slice of white bread with creamy yellow margarine just now, to fold it into half and to eat it on its own. no tomatoes, no lettuce, no tuna. just bread and margarine. white bread and creamy yellow margarine.

Divide to Multiply

ron laskey asks why cancer is so uncommon, citing that it takes only a few out of the 10000 trillion cells in the body to be 'anti-social' for tumour formation. he directs us to the rigorous checkpoints that control the cell cycle.

robin hesketh asks why cancer is so common, citing that it takes multiple mutations for a cell to be immortalised and transformed to become cancerous. he directs us to the accumulation of mutations with each cell cycle.

the same cell cycle and checkpoint controls, but evaluated differently.

it is like asking whether the glass is half full or half empty. people will tell you the answer depends on whether you are an optimist or pessimist.

similarly, a situation can be seen in two different lights.

i know that when God closes a door, He opens another. or maybe He rather that i stay in the same room and not go anywhere. but the point is, i can see the situation from contrasting viewpoints, but He only sees one-- He sees what is best for me.

This Easter

it didn't snow in christmas, even when i was in the alps; it is snowing now on easter day, just when we all thought camb will not see snow this year.

i like watching the snow fall, and seeing it slowly coat everything in fluffy white. i see the red brick lutyens topped with snow icing, and the winding path in front of mallory covered with snow dust, all just through my huge window panes. it is snowing outside, yet i am inside, warm and protected, watching the flakes fall to the ground.

it is easter today, and i thank the Lord that i still remember the true significance of this day. it is like being grateful that i can partake the holy communion, that i am bought by the sacrifice of Jesus and am now a part of the larger body of Christ.

i am not perfect, in fact far from perfect. my mind harbours selfish thoughts, jealousy and even evil aspirations, no matter how much i am ashamed of them myself. yet my Lord has willingly stood in my place for all the guilt and shame that i ought to be bearing. He has taken from me the yoke which i couldn't have carried even with all my strength.

i am a child of God. my relaationship with my Creator has been restored. i have eternal hope, and may i dwell in the house of the Lord forever. amen.

lutyens in snow cover

it's john's birthday tomorrow; he'll be 18!
it was mum's birthday last sun; she's one year closer to 50.
i am 20 going to 21...

should have grown up by now, but i am still very much emotionally-attached to home.
it has been close to 6 years now staying away from home, but have i learn to be as strong as i should have been?



how would i ever cope without my family

The Many Privileges

camb indeed offers many privileges. our lecturers just cannot fail to mention that so and so who discovered such was a student/member of the department 'working in the lab just around the corner'. our supervision groups are small, sometimes led by the professors themsleves, who always assure us that they are just an email away if we need to ask any questions.

it is not until recently that it dawned upon me that the same privileges extend into personal, and spiritual, development. the veritas forum that started last friday saw many distinguished speakers wrestling with difficult, sometimes even uncomfortable, discussion topics with a socially-engaged and intellectually sharp audience. there was a baroness who spoke about religious freedom, and the president of tearfund who spoke on social pluralism; tonight alister mcgrath ( or perhaps more well-known as dawkins' nemesis) speaks on gospel as public truth.

i wish i had read dawkins' books, so that i can grasp better mcgrath's talk tonight. i foresee i will be rapidly lost in the course of the discussion because there will be many people in the audience who have read dawkins. still, i think i should go for the talk, as such an opportunity to learn from both the speaker and the audience is hard to come-by.

opportunities abound, the true lesson remains to be learning with an open mind and a humble heart. don't we pay more respect to lecturers or authoratative figures who speak gently and humbly, even in areas of their expertise?


'Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry'



p/s: if anyone is interested, alister mcgrath's talk is at 8pm tonight (4th march) at babbage lecture theatre.

When Everyone Screams for Motivation

"Dear all,
I still seem to be four essays short! 6 if you include last week's...."

an excerpt from the email sent by my bmb supervisor at 5.30pm earlier. the essay was due 5.00pm the day before. i just handed in mine 15 min ago. there were 4 of us in his supervision group...

three days ago, my cdb supervisor asked if we have read the 'light reading' (i.e. review articles that are at least 8 pages long) that he gave us the previous week. my supervision partner answered 'i flicked through it...' before the supervisor interupted in disbelief 'FLICKED THROUGH IT?' . he sort of pleaded us to read the articles with the words 'PLEASe, PLEASE read my presents ' at least three times during the one hour session.
he gave us another two presents before we left.

it is week 6 of lent term. struggling to catch up is the norm. i am not sure if i am looking forward to term ending though; i have 4 assessed practical writeups and an assessed presentation due just before the end of term. furthermore, end of lent marks easter, which co-incidentally starts with the same big E.

A Weekend Spent with Friends

it was reinvigorating to be able to just get away from work for the weekend and just be in the company of great friends =)

it started on friday night with cg cny dinner part II. we had express steamboat, ie everything was cooked steamboat style in the pot on the hob, so that we could have the food faster. we had massive quantities of food; two pots of tomyum AND two pots chicken soup to share among the 6 of us. and of course, the big piles of bak kua which sean brought back from his weekend escapade to kuala lumpur.



on saturday, jyy mei came to camb. she hasn't changed much-- as glam as usual, but with a lot more exciting updates this time, haha!

we did the usual touristy things: punting and college visits. and i am embarrased to say that i just found out that the bridge just outside magd is the cam bridge that tsu zhi mo referred to in his famous poem. i cross that bridge everyday.

then we met mabel. the three of us were secondary school classmates.

in the evening, it was dinner with weishen, jinyang and his sis, and hongking before going to mnite.

mnite was good entertainment; a light-hearted evening that brought to memory all things malaysian, even the area overlooking the words SOUTH COURT at midvalley. the pontianak dance was good. i don't think it was provocative at all; it was like a ballet pas de duex to me. kenneith clearly did it again!

sun was spent in church/ grafton/ zara/ h&m with jyy mei. she tried to help me get an outfit for the cumsa ball next week. unfortunately, i was so picky that i ended up only getting a top for everyday wear. she, on the other hand, got a few bargains =)

after sending jyymei off the the train station, i rushed to sains and back to magd to cook for the astar pple. it was a gathering that i organised in the name of chinese new year. it was good to catch up with manu, and start having ideas about more random things nicole and i could do.

so it was a good weekend. i thank the Lord for placing wonderful people in my life to share the little joys of life =)

Tea

attended a tea tasting session with first class tea today. i don't usually drink tea as i prefer coffee, but i went anyway out of curiosity to why the english like their tea so much. it was disappointing at first because the teas that we were going to try were all asian teas, including the all too familiar oolong and pu erh. then i thought it was strange to drink asian teas in glasses, as i thought the tea set and the tea drinking ceremony were part and parcel of the tea drinking experience. nonetheless, the session turned out to be quite interesting, as i didn't know the taste of tea could be described as such before:

china jasmine white clouds (dong ding, fujian)
silver tea; the most highly recommended by will, the person who led the session. incidently, it was the most expensive one we had today, as it is retailed at GBP20 per 100g. jasmine-scented, delicate and light.

organic green darjeeling risheehat (india)
so i learnt that green tea is black tea before the latter gets fermented. the best teas are grown without pesticides because the chemicals will affect the taste of the tea. this particular tea was described as fishy/ seaweedy o.O

organic china oolong
oolong means semi-fermented tea, which is the intermediate between green and black. this is done through tossing the tea leaves such that their edges are bruised and start fermenting there. it was described as woody, smoky, intruguing/ confusing. ironically enough, it is thought to aid clarity of thought and the orange oolong (i.e. orange-flavoured(!)) was the best business tea at first class tea.

japan bancha houjicha
this is roasted sheng cha, meaning the tea leaves are unprocessed as far as it is possible. it's scent reminded me of mai xiang cha. some people thought it was seaweedy (again?!).

xiaguan pu erh tuo cha 2006 (yunnan, china)
this tea has to be matured in a brick, hence the date that shows its year of produce, just like wine. some people described it as 'earthy', like 'kicking up autumn leaves in the woods'- such romantic notions, no wonder it created a commodity bubble not too long ago. also, victoria beckham claimed that pu erh was her secret to staying slim.

abali vrikshayurvedic (arunachal pradesh, india)
the least popular tea of the night. people thought it tasted like rubber. some thought it smelled like chocholate. i thought it was drinkable, just a stronger version of the bancha earlier. oh, this tea was pinkish in colour.

sikkim temi
most people like this one. they described it with all the positive adjectives- honey-like, flowery, armchair tea, even 'a hug from the tea'! i think people are fond with it because it tastes very much like the typical 'english tea', which most of the time is black tea. this tea reminds me of BOH tea from cameron highlands.

rose claire, scented white tea
the name explains the tea. 'claire' was after will's fiancee, to whom he just recently got engaged to. his opinion on the tea: creamy, like turkish delight in a glass.


overall, it was an interesting session with tea. oh, i also learnt that people can get tea drunk on too much tea. apparently this is due to hypoglycaemia, as some types of tea like oolong and pu erh have blood glucose lowering effects. does this justify the all the sugar-loaded cookies and cakes that accompanied the tea session today? i think i have had too much tea in one session, and the acid is giving me a gastric...

1 Corinthians 13:4

coincidentally or not, is the verse of the the day on biblegateway.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

to love someone like you is ordinary.
to love someone unlike you is extraordinary.
to love someone who hates you is revolutionary.

Halfway Hall

the dinner marked the middle of my time as an undergraduate in magdalene college. at the end of the dinner, the master gave a speech. he recounted how he first met all of us in the same hall on the morning of our matriculation, to tell us the history and architecture of the college, and to tell us that we were a group of 'extraordinary young people' and that we were 'academically promising'.

the master went on to remind us that the second half of our time will only pass quicker, if we thought the first was already too quick, and he warned us against complacency. to further illustrate his point on complacency, he told us a story:

a crow was sitting on the tree doing nothing. a rabbit came along, saw the crow and asked,'can i sit and do nothing all day long just like you?' the crow answered,'yea, why not?'. so the rabbit stopped hopping, sat beneath the tree and did nothing, just like the crow. a fox came along and ate the rabbit.

the moral of the story: if you want to sit around and do nothing, make sure you are sitting somewhere high up.

naturally, the hall applauded the master; he was as eloquent in his speech as always.

now, the expectation to be 'extraordinary young people' who are 'academically promising' and much more-- the Lord will complete the work He has begun in me, amen.

Last Post on Perspectives

and i'll have to move on with my life.

a big thank you to those who have supported the show in one way or another:

my mummy who got nicole and i our costumes-- we each have two sets of those pants, though we only wore one for all the five nights; weishen and daniel who consistently helped me book bowett room for practice; jinyang and ryan who cooked dinner throughout the holidays for nicole and i before our rehearsals; jinyang and ryan who had to walk me back from queens' after my night rehearsals; and all the people who came to watch the show-- yaoyu, huixin, joe, mabel, shu-en, shuangning, kelvin, haihan, kimberle, jasmin, weevien, alex, ben koh, eugene, ee mae, darryl, sean, angel, kathy, livia, kaier, and people whom i didn't meet backstage but was among the audience

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH =)

small fight, BIG BIG LOVE

the last show didn't end with a bang-- nicole and i slipped at the very beginning (though no one noticed except kaier), and the bow was too short for sentiments to build up. but that didn't mar the whole experience! nicole and i had given our bestest best, and i am almost sure that all her glycogen reserves in her right arm must have been exhausted from me leaning on her and she swinging me around, hah!


the piece we shared 'small fight big love', or as we more fondly knew it as duelling banjos, was well-received all five nights. the very first time we presented it to the cambridge population at the wip, we were the only item that received an applause, and i just loved how the audience went 'aaawwwwww' at the end when nicole and i came back together into the hug =) and weren't we flattered when netta, a brilliant choregrapher herself, came up to us in the dressing room and said. 'are you in kai's piece? that is my favourite!' yesterday, she added that kai's piece has 'all the elements that i think a good piece should have', hehe!


most of the credit for the success of' *ahem* our piece (please forgive this shameless pride that is overflowing in me) goes to kaier, whose style in dance really played to our strength. we weren't the best dancers around; in fact we were far from the standards of the many. but we stood out because the piece was fresh, ingenious, 'clever' (from anthony leung), which led it to distingush itself from the pieces with 'pointy toes'. quoting VARSITY:

'Special mention also ought to go to the charming playfulness of Kai Eng's Small Fight Big Love' all the more ingenious for having been choreographed from Sweden...'

- Varsity Issue 669

=DD brlliant! just that it wasn't from sweden but singapore! from the astar studio in biopolis! it was that fateful day that nicole and were bored and went to the studio after work to try out some steps when this girl with five colours in her hair and a nose ring invaded the studio. she was practising her own steps and after watching a while, nicole and i thought 'she is GOOD!' then somehow we found out that she was from camb and from CUCDW! soon enough, we were having 7am rehearsals, many many brusies on our backs, and many many inspirations for creativity in dancing and DRESSING! heh!


we soon left singapore but practice for duelling banjos continued in the frosty mornings in benson hall, through the dark winter nights in magdalene squah court, buckingham, and the glorious queens' bowett. and finally finally, it was wrapped up with compliments and applause at the adc =)=)

at ballet under the stars with nicole, my trustworthy and dependable dance partner, whom i can flung myself onto knowing that she'll catch me. thank you for being there to colour the dance experience in camb =)

my favourite comment on our dance:

'a faded photograph of childhood memories is what we looked like'

- Nicole Tay, adapted from Yao Yu, who was one of our earliest audience at the show