Food for Thought

carrots are orange because they are rich in carotene.

carotene is a photopigment found in light harvesting complexes, alongside with cholorophylls, in photosynthetic leaves. it is believed that carotenes are present for protection against photobleaching, i.e. damage of chlorophyll due to overly strong sunlight, as they absorb the excess energy and lose them as heat.

but carrots are roots; they are buried in the soil.

so why do carrots have so much carotene o_O?

because they are edible and therefore must prove themselves to be nutritionally beneficial?

i am open to suggestions =)

Efficiency is Key

the workload rears its ugly head. in fact, i already have 3 essays to write and had 2 practicals completed. i start to not comprehend my lecture notes fully and balk at the material i am supposed to learn by the end of this week. only the practicals are comforting- so far. but that is only because they are not that complicated anyway and i have handled most of the equipment before during attachment. so in conclusion, i am gawking at a steep learning curve =S.

cambridge is as usual teeming with all the fantastic activities that i so wish i have time to attend. i have made great plans over the summer to pack michaelmas with as many events as possible, to take hold of the opportunities so rare but available here. since the intensity of such ccas tend to decline as the acdemic year progresses, hopefully i will have enough time to catch up with studies over winter break and in subsequent terms.

but i doubt that will work now, judging from the amount of work already piled up and i can feel the thundering thrust of more on its way. also, i am planning to have two holidays during winter break.

oh well, i will have to be more efficient then. halve the time and double the amount done for everything. hopefully, the quality of work will not be compromised. that means i will have to learn to exercise appropriate degrees of conscienciousness in the right areas.

to begin, writing blog posts should not take longer than necessary.

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

My Cheese Has Been Moved

i am back in camb for the fifth day now. finished unpacking my boxes on sunday and spent monday and tuesday making multiple trips to town to buy things. my room this year is HUGE compared to basing 15 last year, and i couldn't suppressed the urge to get more things to put in it, things that i wanted since last year but couldn't have due to space constraint.

so, the past two days are spent on browsing the home section of shops, arranging and rearranging items in the cabinets, and looking for items after that because i can't remember where i put them.

amidst all the excitement, i miss basing 15 sometimes.

it is the familiarity to living in that place and to the neighbours in basing house that i miss, i think. changes always make me feel apprehensive. i thought i should be used to it by now. i have been living in two countries since i was 15, and i managed three last year. over summer alone, i had packed and unpacked at least four times to move to different places (not for holiday). still, i always get that uneasy feeling a few days before moving. and i realise that i never learn how to pack light. maybe subconciously i want to carry things that are familiar, hence all the excess baggage.

camb isn't that much different from the time i knew it before i left for summer. friends who were friendly were still as friendly, and those who weren't that friendly seem to be more friendly. there are many new faces around, and my windows open into benson court instead of magd street now. so, it's the birds that i hear first thing in the morning instead of the truck unloading bottles at the wine merchant. oh, i probably won't be cycling much in the early weeks; a bird has built a nest in my bike basket. there's even an egg in it. i think i should leave it for a few days and see what happens before deciding whether to move my bike.

other than those, nothing has changed much really- ramsay is still ramsay and sainsbury is still sainsbury. i foresee myself eating loads of cereals, bread amd canned food again once term begins and evceryone scarcely has time to plan for the next meal.

lectures start proper tomorrow and other activites start next week. i will still be involved in dance and cell group, so not much changes as well. in fact, i think i am such a constant person that i rarely tread unknown waters.

anyway, the cheese has been moved, albeit not too far from its origin. and i am on my way to find it.

We All Love Him

his headmistress loves him; she backed him up with the school recommendation letter for the admission exercise.

the new school admission team loves him; they offered him a place and a scholarship immediately after they spoke to him.

the family loves him; they see great talent in him, an unpolished gem finally in the hands of masters in the art of education.

I love him; I see the doors of opportunities flung open for him. I see great teachers waiting to groom and nurture him. I see life-changing experiences, stimulating and enlightening exposures, all helping him to transform potential into ability.

but

I love him; I wish he could be spared from the loneliness of relocation.

I love him; I wish he could be pampered with the comforts of home a few years longer.

I love him; I wish there could still be someone who wakes him up for school every morning, who spreads his toasts for him for breakfast, who reminds him to take his shower before it is too late, who hounds him to practice his piano. at least for a little longer.

I love him. it pains me that he may have to go through the occasional dark periods of solitude at such a tender age. it’s true that I have been through the same and emerged alright, but it was not without a tough fight.

can he win the fight? will he draw upon the strength of the Lord, the One who has been faithful to me throughout my own battle? will he be as fortunate to meet sincere and loving friends? will he be able to resist the temptations and avoid the paths of misguided souls?

it is because I love him, I want the best for him. I know not what is best; but I know the leap of faith is now the test.

we all love him, we really do.

that was him during his first visit to the place; it is now going to be his second ‘home’ for the next six years.

A Tripos Walk to Remember

just read an email from my cells supervisor congratulating us for making it through NST 1A and the tripos. to me, that was certainly a feat worth congratulating.

the exam itself lasted just one week, but the prep and associated tension was much more long-drawn, beginning as early as the start of easter holidays, a whole three months before the start of any paper. the battle stretched every bit of me to the limits. it wasn’t only the sheer weight of material that needed to be understood and remembered that I was fighting against, but also the alliance of physical discomfort from growing wisdom teeth (such a coincidence that in times when I had to learn the most knowledge that I had to show some signs of growing wiser as well), the loneliness of insomnia, wild fluctuations of self confidence, and increasing home-sickness.

it was during the sleepless hours that I felt the most helpless. the exhausted but stubborn mind wandered restlessly into the fears for tomorrow- the fear of not being able to perform due to lack of sleep, the fear of falling ill, the fear of worsening eyesight from insufficient rest, the fear of brain dead when thinking and analyzing are the most important tasks of all, the fear of … these fears, because they will only lead to more sleeplessness.

on the sunday before the chemistry paper, I felt as if I was on the brink of breaking down. I was drained mentally and emotionally, and was reeling from bouts of stress-induced gastric attacks at one of my study haunts. I thought of letting go, of giving up. I left the place early, and went around taking pictures instead.

people I talked to after the exams thought their experience for it was of the norm; it seemed like only I found it to be excruciatingly challenging. that’s why I wanted to write it down somehow -though I have procrastinated till today, for I want to be reminded of the great mercies that the Lord had shown me. perhaps the exam was a trial to test the intimacy of my walk with the Lord, and a vivid reminder of the frailty of man.

‘Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.’ James 4:13-14

why, I can’t even control my own sleep! what security can tried and tested exam prep methods bring?!

i am just thankful that I pulled through. the satisfactory results were a bonus. two more tripos to face in the coming. Lord, if you will, take this cup of suffering from me.

The Brain Has Wandered

just had a week long research institutes (RIs) tour. my brain refused to take in any more scientific fodder than it could digest after the first two project presentations at IMCB on the third day; it had worked commendable hours the past two days at BII, BTI, GIS and IBN. instead, it wandered into weighing basic research against industrial research, and industrial research against basic research.

basic research offers the joy of discovering knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself, of uncovering a little more of the mysterious yet awesome workings of nature, the very working principles behind the world’s most complex, most tightly-regulated, most efficient for its purpose, yet most minuscule for all its functions, machine, i.e. the living cell.

industrial research, on the other hand, tempts with the prospect of a purposeful, goal-oriented and highly motivated corporate-like working environment. there is the tangible reward of patents and profits for the company, and the competition against other companies towards the much coveted goal of inventing new technologies, new drugs, new materials, new kits.

in basic research, you ask questions and then seek for the answers. whether the answers- if they are to be found and understood within the limitations of the intelligence of man- will be of any impact to the rest of the world is of secondary importance, and is probably for the next scientist who decides to believe you to work on.

industrial research, on the other hand, works with proven principles that have market potential. the payoffs are more tangible, which are much needed where perseverance might not be that all sufficient, and where material needs and wants might be a more pressing goal than the abstract notion of academic progress.

the last day of the tour to SICS, the latest addition to the list of RIs under A*, opened up another option—clinical research. here, a patient is diagnosed with a set of novel symptoms, then the clinician researcher works backwards to find the cause of the symptoms. of course, with the help of biologists, pure scientists and even engineers, the doctor who gave the presentation emphasized. this is a good option, as there is the direct human touch to it. it offers exactly what lures me into biology from the very beginning—the connection to things that live and grow. basic research offers that as well, but when one deals with sub-cellular components for too long, it is easy to lose sight and treat these biological components like any other inanimate machinery.

ah, there is so much to consider! fortunately, there are two more years to think over things and one full year to test out basic or industrial or clinical research. and in the unfortunate event that I picked the wrong one for my phd studies, I still can consider changing course. more difficult maybe, as my peers will be far ahead by then, but not impossible. then again, it’s preferable to begin on par with the rest, if without a head start.

at this moment, one thing is rather clear though. the brain has decided that it has no passion in cancer studies, cancer therapies, cancer development, whatsoever. it has decided that well-behaved cells are more interesting compared to anti-social cells. it finds more fascination in learning why cells do what they do, compared to learning why cells don’t do what they are supposed to do. and more often than not, it finds bacterial cells and plant cells more remarkable than human cells. not exactly philanthropic, eh? =)

Of Pirates, Sea and Fantasy

i do love the sea.

take me to my fantasy.

i'm still sane =)

23 May 2007

the sun was shining brightly at 7am, and the air was warm at 15 degrees. i received phone calls from my dearest parents, and thought it would be just another day, apart from the last lecture of the academic year and a scheduled lunch to look forward to.

all seemed pretty routine, except for the secret joy knowing that it is my special day.

all seemed pretty routine when the lecture ended, the students clapped for the lecturer and left the babbage, except for the tinge of disappointment that no one suggested to stay behind to take pictures-- it was, afterall, the last lecture that some of us will ever have together.

all seemed pretty routine, as i walked towards the all too familiar biochemistry department prepared to dash through my essay that was due before lunch, except that i thought jinyang had decided to follow siewkit to join the mugging club.

then i thought i heard dingdong's voice. and this group of excited people suddenly appeared from the bushes with a bunch of flowers-- a birthday surprise right at the steps of the biochemistry department! and there they sang the birthday song ...

the group ( comprising natscis, engineers, medic and vet) at the biochem department. haihan took the picture. picture is courtesy of jinyang =)

i hope i didn't look too stunned. i was pleasantly shocked, and slightly dismayed with myself that my daily whereabouts have become that predictable. but it was indeed a lovely celebration =)

thank you everyone for taking precious time off to make my day =) and especially to those who planned the surprise =)

2o. no longer a teen, but slowly embracing adulthood. everyday is by the grace of God, and may i age gracefully.

the very english hat is the birthday present from the group

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someone dear expressed that he is afraid of leaving home: afraid of the isolation from caring people, and of the loneliness that entails.

but i want to reassure him that God is good, and He blesses His children through the bonds of friendship, both new and old. He knows and cares for our physical (material/ mental/ emotional ) needs, on top of our spiritual life in Him.

i always say that i am blessed with people who love me, no matter where i am, and i couldn't re-state this more. let all this love be channelled through me, so that i too will be a blessing to those i encounter =).

Blessed with Love

i am blessed-- blessed with friends who love me so much that they unreservedly shower their concerns and encouragement, and time to listen and to help.

it reminds me of parents' love-- how parents have to face the world for a living and still come home to shelter the kids with unreserved love, no matter how weary.

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us... God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." -1 John 4:12, 16

thank you to you both, my lab partners =)

The Gift of Prayer

the daily bread series has been about prayers quite often lately. and so is the verse that is fed into my blog everyday.

agnes came up with the very good idea of praying for a particular cg mate for the week; my prayer buddy reassured me he'll remember my prayer requests.

the shepherd and sheep game ongoing in cf lets me know that my shepherd cares for me, and i care for my sheep.

the gift of prayer. it's like the gift of a credit card to someone else's bank account. just swipe, and you have access to all the resources it entails. it's accepted worldwide-- anytime, anywhere. all you need is just faith that the cashier won't scorn at you when you offer to pay with a plastic card instead of tangible cash.

but sometimes i am too blind to see even such simple faith. i head dive into the whirlpool of toil and exhaustion, inefficiency and desperation, all of which are part of a deadly positive feedback cycle. a positive feedback can only be stopped when it self-limited, or when there is external intervention.

the sermon yesterday was on mark 7:24-37. it was about the faith of gentiles in jesus's healing powers. the pastor spoke on the holding onto the promises of God, which are solid as rock, and which have sustained his believers through ages of persecution. God has made many promises. and one that is made for the time now is matthew 7:7

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

and so i will hold on to this, though my mind tends to wander into the realms of transport systems and proteins even in prayer. but this too, i know i can bring to my God, for in His promise i can ask for anything.

i ask for renewed faith, renewed joy, renewed dependence, renewed strength.

Which Disney Princess are You Most Like?

You are most like Jasmine!

You are an exotic beauty who enchants everyone you meet. You love going on wonderful adventures and have a special fondness for tigers.

ok, i think i hear thunderous laughter.

it was from a game designed for 3-year olds found on the disney website. and i think i got this result because i have black hair and think a tiger would be an ideal pet. i played the game again, choosing a horse for a pet the second time, and got snow white instead. so the hair colour must be the dominant factor.

but why not mulan? i like mulan.

Changing Times

living in temperate regions reminds you so much more vividly that time waits for no man. the scenery changes everyday; the sun rises and sets at different hours evereyday. the surroundings evokes a sense of urgency to live in the present; wait and tomorrow will be a different setting altogether. it is unlike back home where the obvious sign of time flying past is the hype of christmas and new year celebrations.

changing times:
first it was the daffodils


then the cherry blossoms


then the tulips which burst from the earth overnight


but even the most colorful is fading, replaced by the energetic green of new leaves.

when autumn comes, the first impression of camb repeats itself...
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term has started, though lectures start only on thurs. people are already occupied with meetings with various people, and some are having collections.

i am overwhelmed with this sense of ambiguity again. the same feeling when lent term was about to begin last january. a mixture of fear of losing the contentment of the familiar and the dread of moving into the unknown sphere of work, demands, and- some times the worst of all, expectations.

it's such a paradox that when camb is bustling with students again, i am feeling this quiet sense of loneliness...

i know i am not into what lies ahead alone. the Lord has blessed me with good friends and He has promised His presence and strength. but sometimes i just want assurance. firm assurance.

The London Escapade

we were bored of staying in camb, and so decided to run away to london for a day. and to capitalise the wonderful weather of spring, we visited the london zoo =)

me at platform nine and three quarters, trying to ram into the magical world

there were a bunch of school children (they were oddly wearing gowns) at the platform when we were there. so, chien fen, jo and i had to 'fight' for picture opportunities at that famed platform with them...we call ourselves twenty-year-olds.. tsk tsk.

at the zoo:

this zoo is different from the other zoos i have visited, for it places a lot of emphasis on conservation efforts and on educating the public about biodiversity and wildlife, which i think is what a zoo should do instead of merely exhibiting a range of animals.

even the animal show was designed to showcase natural animal behaviour instead of having the animals do a multitude of circus-like tricks to impress to audience. the parrots didn't, and most likely couldn't, talk; the skunk was on stage to dig through soil and rummage a garbage bag, the lemur was there to jump from pole to pole and the owl was there to fly in the direction of food. the show presenter even explained why the owl was brought out in broad daylight when it is 'supposed' to be nocturnal. it turned out to be that not all owls are nocturnal, and the eagle owl brought out is one of them. i wonder why i have never considered this before even after watching owls swooping in and out actively to deliver mail in the day in harry potter films...hmm.

other interesting facts: the south american macaw parrot can live up to a hundred years, while the queen of the leaf eater ant can live up to fifteen years; the malayan tapir is most closely related to the horses; piranhas show minimal movement in water, unlike most other fishes that swim around; okapi is an african animal and alpaca is one that is found 4800m above sea level in the south american moutain ranges; and there are penguins that are native to south africa (i.e. not all are found in the icy land of antartica).

an educational trip indeed.

at night, we watched 'we'll rock you', my first ever musical in london. i just cannot say how impressed i was, and still am, at the live singing and live music.

whee =)

Lesson Learnt

i learnt an invaluable lesson, and i thank God that the price for it isn't too high.

i was told of incidents of people losing their belongings to pickpockets when travelling many many times. still, i was careless enough to carry a backpack behind my back in the crowded streets of london. worse, i put my valuables in the outermost compartment for my own convenience, overlooking the fact that what is convenient for me is also convenient for bandits.

so, i lost my phone. but fortunately, that was the only thing that was taken away-- i still have my wallet and camera. and more fortunately, replacing the phone isn't too much of a hassle; i get to retain the old number and all the calling credit.

so essentially i lost an old phone together with the contacts in the phone and some stored messages which i treasure very much. that phone had serviced me faithfully for close to three years. i wonder how is it now, since it wouldn't be worth much to the new occupier.

A New Vacation

i have watched this so so many times, but i am still amused by it.

it is a song that our cells lecturer ron laskey sang to us at the end of the last lecture of lent term. listen closely to the lyrics =)

(the "babbage" mentioned in the first line refers to the lecture theatre where we have cells lectures)



video is courtesy of jinyang =)

ahh... the excitement of having vacation when it was about to begin! three weeks of it has already gone by now. two more left.

The Veil of Gloom Lifted

in my earliest days in camb, i had wondered whether i would ever be fond of this place. it would be a place to which stress- loads of it, and the loneliness and discomfort of being in a foreign place would be associated, just like how spore was associated to these before.

even in the holidays, the 'glorious' 5 week easter holidays when the weather is just brilliant for any kind of outdoor actvity, the tension of the portending tripos is building up. people start to shut themselves in their rooms, libraries to brace themselves for the battle in easter term.

i feel obliged to do the same. but every morning as i walk out of basing, i see this:


the serenity of river cam, and trees bursting with cherry pink and blossom white.

and from the library, i noticed this tree which i had not noticed before:


a cherry blossom fluorishing with all the newly-gained energy of spring after dormancy in winter.

then, i took a step back and wondered in awe at the creation of the Creator, and wondered how i could be so parochial to be weighed down by the burden of work. isn't it said in ecclesiastes that work done under the sun is meaningless, a chasing after the wind? "What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.- Ecclesiastes 2:22-23".

i don't mean there is no need to work at all. instead, it is unnecessary to augment the importance of it to a level that causes undue distress. what is most important, God will provide, and we have peace in that.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. -Luke 12:25-27"

so is camb still a place of stress? yes- but it is not going to (and shouldn't) stop me from rejoicing every day.

If Only

it came as a real shock, the news about her death. it is more of a shock, when it says she ended her life herself.why? why would a fine young girl do that? she's just 21, in her fourth year in university.

i don't know her well personally. but sometimes i do feel a special connection to her. she was my first chem tutor in jc. also an ex HC and MGS girl, and so was also my "double" senior. we had the same bio tutor, who on the first bio tutorial told me that i resemble her.

if only someone could reach out to her in her darkest moments. if only she reached out for somebody. if only.

i have not been very productive today... the mind kept wandering into random thoughts.

spoke to a former ballet classmate online, and realised that the grade examinations are just a month away. so it has been long since i left the studio. the last time i took the exam was in 2001. that was a major grade exam which i had to take alone. the last exam in which i had a partner was a year earlier.

i miss the thrills of taking ballet exams. in fact, piano practical exams too. when i accompanied my brother to his piano exam last year, i wished i were there to play too as i stood in the corridor to listen to the candidates' playing.

it has been long since i took any formal lessons in ballet or piano. but ironically, i think i have become more discerning in appreciating both of them. maybe it's gaining maturity with age. i have finally understood many of the things that the teachers tried to tell me last time, and i believe i would be able to show far greater improvements now if i were to learn again, provided time permits me to put in such commitment.

but sometimes, it is just such a heartache to realise that i have fallen so low from standards previously achieved. and such heartaches sometimes pose to break all motivation and inspiration. but then again, these can be overcome with grit.


COLDPLAY- BALLET - The best video clips are here

a video i found when randomly searching the net.
watch the agility, the control, the grace, and the strength of ballet.

Early Mornings

all creation sings God's praise.

and i think the birds do it wonderfully well. accompanied by the soft rays that gradually illuminate the sky, and the fresh breeze that brings the smell of green grass from the gardens.

how i wish i could withstand the cold, to sit in the gardens and soak in the morning dew, the tranquility, and the joy and peace of heart that all these bring.

and to sit quietly in the presence of my God and sing his praises.

Lord, in the hush of early dawn,

When all the world lies sleeping,

I place my life and all I love

Into Thy gracious keeping. —White