small fight, BIG BIG LOVE

the last show didn't end with a bang-- nicole and i slipped at the very beginning (though no one noticed except kaier), and the bow was too short for sentiments to build up. but that didn't mar the whole experience! nicole and i had given our bestest best, and i am almost sure that all her glycogen reserves in her right arm must have been exhausted from me leaning on her and she swinging me around, hah!


the piece we shared 'small fight big love', or as we more fondly knew it as duelling banjos, was well-received all five nights. the very first time we presented it to the cambridge population at the wip, we were the only item that received an applause, and i just loved how the audience went 'aaawwwwww' at the end when nicole and i came back together into the hug =) and weren't we flattered when netta, a brilliant choregrapher herself, came up to us in the dressing room and said. 'are you in kai's piece? that is my favourite!' yesterday, she added that kai's piece has 'all the elements that i think a good piece should have', hehe!


most of the credit for the success of' *ahem* our piece (please forgive this shameless pride that is overflowing in me) goes to kaier, whose style in dance really played to our strength. we weren't the best dancers around; in fact we were far from the standards of the many. but we stood out because the piece was fresh, ingenious, 'clever' (from anthony leung), which led it to distingush itself from the pieces with 'pointy toes'. quoting VARSITY:

'Special mention also ought to go to the charming playfulness of Kai Eng's Small Fight Big Love' all the more ingenious for having been choreographed from Sweden...'

- Varsity Issue 669

=DD brlliant! just that it wasn't from sweden but singapore! from the astar studio in biopolis! it was that fateful day that nicole and were bored and went to the studio after work to try out some steps when this girl with five colours in her hair and a nose ring invaded the studio. she was practising her own steps and after watching a while, nicole and i thought 'she is GOOD!' then somehow we found out that she was from camb and from CUCDW! soon enough, we were having 7am rehearsals, many many brusies on our backs, and many many inspirations for creativity in dancing and DRESSING! heh!


we soon left singapore but practice for duelling banjos continued in the frosty mornings in benson hall, through the dark winter nights in magdalene squah court, buckingham, and the glorious queens' bowett. and finally finally, it was wrapped up with compliments and applause at the adc =)=)

at ballet under the stars with nicole, my trustworthy and dependable dance partner, whom i can flung myself onto knowing that she'll catch me. thank you for being there to colour the dance experience in camb =)

my favourite comment on our dance:

'a faded photograph of childhood memories is what we looked like'

- Nicole Tay, adapted from Yao Yu, who was one of our earliest audience at the show

one more hour to the last show. as much as i dreaded it this morning, i am starting to miss it already.

i will miss how i was always so kancheong in the dressing room that i keep dropping things and nicole had to shout 'stop being so kancheong!' .

how i keep complaining that nicole should re-do her blusher, because either the intensity wasn't strong enough or the area powdered wasn't large enough.

how we fix the star ribbon on each other's hair, making sure the knots were as tight as they can be.

how i start panicking when the belly dancers were called onto stage despite we were 2 items behind them.

how nicole and i started some weird sumo steps at the side of the wings to 'rugged up' the energy.


how nicole just had to the me the things to watch out for JUST BEFORE WE HAD TO GO ONTO the stage when she had all the time in the dressing room.

how we gave each other re-assuring hugs while we waited for the spotlight.

how we gave each other the BIGGEST and TIGHTEST hug at the end of the piece, amidst the applause from the audience.

how i had to quick change in the wings and nicole helped me with my scarf.

how nicole had to exclaim how good the guy in the beatbox piece was, and how sinead's parts of a psalm was her favourite every night (nicole has 3 favourites: the psalm, angel gabriel and when push comes to shove).

how nicole just had to exclaim that jennifer hersch is amazing every time she walked past her.


and how pleased we feel when people tell us that our piece was their favourite backstage =)



there will be no more 7 am rehearsals, or 8am rehearsals for duelling banjos. no more fretting that we have lousy stamina, or that the squash court was just too cold for living things to dance in it.

life would be back to it's routine self, or at least more like it's routine self after the bow tonight.


'Small Fight BIG LOVE!' -- an amazing creation by Kai Eng; an amazing dream for Nicole Tay and Meisheng Lau

Scientist by Day, Dancer by Night

is this possible?

i thought when i have learnt to be 'mindful' of what i am doing, such that i can compartmentalise my focus and energy, i can do all i want.

but the relationship between the quality of my essays and the time spent mulling over them is all too clear--or is it me blowing things out of proportion again?

please don't tell me that i am a student and my primary priority should be academic; i think it's a student's prerogative to sail the uncharted waters, to travel the roads less travelled, lest how would she know her path is not merely the trace of somebody else's?

i only take up commitments that i know i can give my best to see them to their completion. it is the best or nothing, the all-or-none principle.

Jittery, jittery!

an hour more till the curtains are raised...

WE --CAN-- DO-- IT!

P E R S P E C T I V ES

i really should be studying for collections tomorrow, but my mind wouldn't keep still! aaaaaaaargh.

all that is racing in my head now are the tech runs, the rehearsals the rehearsals the rehearsals the rehearsals the rehearsals!!! i am in this full dance-y mode when term is about to start, when i am suppposed to think about organelles and essays and practicals! and the collections, the collections tomorrow and on sunday.

i am really excited about Perspectives-- i don't recall such great anticipation for Elemental last year. maybe it's because the items that i am in this year have more personal touch to them. one demands emotional protrayal, the other sees the development of trust and friendship with another person. and have i mentioned that kaier, the choreographer of the dance that nicole and i are sharing, will be flying in from stockholm to watch the show?!

the show this year has an interesting concept-- it's about expression of experiences and memories (see below), so it indeed can be rather personal for all those involved. but the production team this year seems, erm, to be facing quite a lot of hiccups along the way. no posters, no postcards or any form of publicity has been seen around camb yet, when the show is less than a week away. hopefully the show will turn out fine. last year's was a sell-out, so this year's will have high standards to beat.

then again, i am always surprised by how well people here can work in the very last minute.

anyway, here's my little part in publicising the show; it will be great if you can come and support =)

Presenting to you the annual CUCDW production:

PERSPECTIVES

"In memory everything seems to happen to music" - Tennessee Williams

Do your memories define you and your experiences? How much can you trust what you remember? How do the past, present and future linktogether?

Perspectives is an exploration and expression of the themes of time and memory through contemporary dance, defining them in a beautiful and engaging sensory spectacle. Drawn into each Perspective, the audience will be woven into the fabric of time with each inspiring movement of electric live dance. From the timeless aesthetic of classical ballet to the current pulsing beat of Hip-hop, Perspectives is a dynamic production gripping the audience in the powerful rhythm of its performance and vibrant intensity of its memory.

Let us transport you to a different time and place where you can embrace the contemporary heat of Cambridge dance glimpsing into the future and forming memories that will last a life time.

Date/time: 22-26 Jan 08, 7:45 pm each night.

Location: ADC Theatre

Cost: Tues-Thurs £8/6, Fri & Sat £9/7

(the concession rates are for students)

Tickets available at www.adctheatre.com

right. excitement sublimated into words. back to mugging.

Springboard -Day 1

'Springboard is an initiative aimed at encouraging young women to realise their full potential, by increasing their self-confidence and belief in their own capabilities.'

a programme reminiscence of ACP, except that i am now the participant.

the theme and topics to be discussed over the course of the programme will be familiar- the universal rules of being proactive, taking charge of your own life, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, chart your values and goals, time management, energy management...almost all of the aspects that we once tried to instil in our young participants.

still, i am glad that i have signed up for this.

today, it provided the platform for me to re-assess my values and my goals, something i have put away for long enough in all my hurry to read and write those essays. i have always told people that camb is a wonderful place to be in because of the sheer opportunities it has to offer. but i have kept quiet about how this very fact has also caused much stress. there is always the dilemma between wanting to maintain the status quo, to do and improve on what you are good at and should be doing, and the guilt of not making full use of the opportunities available, the anxiety of missing out. but perhaps the real source of stress is not from the dilemma itself. rather, it could be the desire to live up to the expectations of others. i thought that was thought-provoking!

i also like the setting provided for free discussion among all the participants. when people share their experience, you get reminded of even the most sucessful looking people have setbacks, and that their anxieties and stress are really not very much different from your own. in some cases, you can even consider yourself to be fortunate relative to others. i am not suggesting that we need to know that other people have it tougher than we do to feel reassured; instead, i think it is a reminder for not sinking into self-pity when things are not smooth-sailing. in addition, such people with such stories could be potentially be good role models for inspiration and motivation.

also emphasized strongly today were the importance of seeking support, the necessity to build networks for support and the value of support systems already available. this, too, i find is quite a refreshing idea. the much mentioned figures to seek for advice are the personal tutor, the director of studies and the college nurse- i have only met my personal tutor once, and have never seen the college nurse. and i think my dos could be fed up with me by now because i keep sending him emails for a recommendation letter. the facilitators, however, reassured me that these people are more than willing to help students, and that nothing troubles them more than not knowing that a student is suffering in silence. hmm...since they say so, no harm trying really. isn't this form of personal attention the collegiate system is supposed to offer begin with? okay, i will try to have more confidence in this sort of organised pastoral care system.

so, i have not many terms left in camb, and the next is starting in a week's time. a very apt time indeed to have new advice on how to live the next term effectively.

Me a Hunter?

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motivated to succeed Actively working to achieve what you want, you are skillful in many areas. You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding. You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force. An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people. You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor. People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all. You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone. Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

or is it a personality that i subconciously adore?

either way it is a bit strange, especially the part on relating better to animals than to people. anyway, such tests are good for amusement. and perhaps a bit for reflection. just a bit.

2008

the new year has twas arrived.
it has to come, regardless of whether i am ready for it or not.

in this new year may i find renewed strength in Him, and that i trust Him more with my burdens and queries.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to my two dear brothers,

may you both start wonderful new life chapters in this new year.new environments bring new companions, new responsibilties and new ways to glorify our Lord.

with love always,

sis

Skiiiiiiii... ...Wheee

the skiing experience

the ski boots were a torture in the beginning. they were heavy, so tight that they cut off blood circulation to the ankle and below, and make you walk like robocop.

the first 3 days of skiing were quite demoralising.

while everyone was practicing skiing down the slopes, i was spending all my time and energy trying to reach the top of the slopes. on mon, i failed the turning test and was put into olivier's group, with whom i practiced turning on a 'slope' which was more like a platform really. walking up the slopes in our skis either by the v-walk or by side-stepping was tiring... until i experienced the nightmare of taking the button ski lifts on tues. i fell off the lift almost everytime i took it when for everyone else it seemed effortless. i was so disappointed at a time that i took off my skis and decided i had enough of it. but jinyang made me put my skis back on, and, in siewkit's words, with their positive aura i will make it to the top. and indeed i did! and i made it two consecutive times!

on wed, the confidence to ski gradually built up. i fell off the lift again the first thing in the morning, but was picked up. i think i should be ashamed to admit that a big girl like me still need all the encouragement i can get to feel confident. my spirits soared to its peak by the end of wed because i was finally skiing! should i add that olivier actually led us down a blue slope? haha.

on thurs and fri, we did more challenging green and blue slopes. the last blue slope we did with the guys after olivier left was *ahem* the most eventful. i think i fell more times than all the other 7 people combined. i realised that i am afraid of high speeds. whenever i feel i am going too fast, i panicked and lost control. but in retrospect, i must have been very brave at the same time, to be able to want to keep on going down the slopes.

olivier and his english-speaking girls. the prcs in the group all speak fluent french

overall, it has been a steep learning curve, from the more-a-platform 'slope' on mon to a 'pink' slope on fri. olivier was an excellent coach i must say. and i had helpful prc skimates who watch my back when we were learning, and very encouraging friends who made me push the boundaries even outside lesson time.

group 14 toasting olivier

the people who made the trip all the more memorable =)

Christmas This Year

i was just brought to realisation that christmas is just next tuesday. in camb, people start to get all christmas-y by the 6th week of term, perhaps as a source of comfort and drive to last till the end of term.

hence, christmas seems like a far, faraway day that everyone awaits for so eagerly but never actually arrives. in the last week of michaelmas,college events were just about christmas bops and christmas formals, and the CF put up two christmas events. people talked about what to do before christmas, where to go for christmas, how to spend christmas over and over again. all the hype about christmas coming is just now going to end so abruptly on tues when christmas day is finally here.

i had my fair share in the christmas merry-making. and since coming back from barcelona, i had christmas songs streaming through the internet radio to be my companion whenever i had to work alone in my room. oh those tunes were angelic, especially if they were played by kenny g. sometimes i thought i would just cry listening to them.

i will be in the alps this christmas, so it will my first true white christmas. it will also be the second christmas in consecutive years without a carol service by the church choir and without the early morning christmas service. it is not that i have to be physically present in a church to remember the true meaning of christmas; it is the familiarity that i miss.

should i try to seek familiarity in the new? or should i just come to terms with the unfamiliarity of the present moment, and of many more moments to come?



i would prefer the former.

have a blessed christmas!

Mum's WoW

my mum has reminded me that i am not alone in this.
she has helped me re-cast the situation in a better light.

sometimes you just need someone wiser to pull you out from the whirlpool, to re-assess the situation and realise that things are not that bad after all =)

The Amazing Barcelona Trip

10 people to share a room and loud singing
9 companions to practice the unabashedly suaku-ness of a tourist
4 idyllic days of exploring a city
3 nights of yuk-ing power arms race
2 must-go places: zara and tous

One truly unforgettable journey to remember:

The Amazing Barcelona Trip

There is a Higher Throne

There is a higher throne

Than all this world has known

Where faithful ones from every tongue

Will one day come

Before the Son we'll stand

Made faultless through the Lamb

Believing hearts find promised grace

Salvation comes

Hear heaven's voices sing

Their thunderous anthem rings

Through emerald courts and sapphire skies

Their praises rise

All glory, wisdom, power

Strength, thanks and honour are

To God our King who reigns on high

For evermore

And there we'll find our home

Our life before the throne

We'll honour Him in perfect song

Where we belong

He'll wipe each tear-stained eye

As thirst and hunger die

The Lamb comes as our Shepherd King

We'll reign with him.

when i am in the gutters, i need to re-cast my focus into the skies.

when the sun rises, the world is re-energized. the birds sing to the streaks of red in the horizon, while i stand in the chilly air absorbing the fullness of it all.

in times like this, i really am thankful that there is a Higher Throne.

Ambivalence

it's the last week of the term and i can feel the festive mood welling inside me. it is compounded by the glittery christmas lights along the streets, and the oh-so-tall christmas tree at market square. and definitely the gushing excitement that an ice-skating and ice-bumper car(!) rink will be opening in camb itself tomorrow.

and of course the flurry of christmas formals, the preparations for cf's christmas event, and the upcoming cf play- all just before some of the people i see so much during term time fly home for a whole six weeks.

but somehow, i think my supervisors disagree with this premature delightfulness of festivity, for they try to occupy my every thought and waking hour with essays and short answer questions. they try to make sure i maximise every learning opportunity available, right up till the very last day possible, i.e. friday.

don't get me wrong; i do enjoy my course very much the whole michaelmas term. in fact, i will be more than pleased to blog about some of the interesting and insightful things that both lecturers and supervisors have taught me in the past 7 weeks, only if writing about such things don't feel so much like writing essays. i think i possibly could pass as an essay machine now, with an average rate of churning out two essays per week. i have survived two essay crises, which should have make writing two a week seem all the more effortless, if only the lecturers have made things easier to grasp right till the very end.

i am now again at the interface of end-of-term and start-of-break, where the strange but familiar sense of ambivalence lies. i know too well that the extensively long breaks that we cantabs are priviledged to have are almost just like another term, minus the anticipation of attending lectures and having sandwich lunches with the people whose company is so much enjoyed.

i am exhausted- i need a break. but breaks seem to entail nothingness, which then brings dreadful ennui...

i think i am just impossible to please.

Food for Thought

carrots are orange because they are rich in carotene.

carotene is a photopigment found in light harvesting complexes, alongside with cholorophylls, in photosynthetic leaves. it is believed that carotenes are present for protection against photobleaching, i.e. damage of chlorophyll due to overly strong sunlight, as they absorb the excess energy and lose them as heat.

but carrots are roots; they are buried in the soil.

so why do carrots have so much carotene o_O?

because they are edible and therefore must prove themselves to be nutritionally beneficial?

i am open to suggestions =)

Efficiency is Key

the workload rears its ugly head. in fact, i already have 3 essays to write and had 2 practicals completed. i start to not comprehend my lecture notes fully and balk at the material i am supposed to learn by the end of this week. only the practicals are comforting- so far. but that is only because they are not that complicated anyway and i have handled most of the equipment before during attachment. so in conclusion, i am gawking at a steep learning curve =S.

cambridge is as usual teeming with all the fantastic activities that i so wish i have time to attend. i have made great plans over the summer to pack michaelmas with as many events as possible, to take hold of the opportunities so rare but available here. since the intensity of such ccas tend to decline as the acdemic year progresses, hopefully i will have enough time to catch up with studies over winter break and in subsequent terms.

but i doubt that will work now, judging from the amount of work already piled up and i can feel the thundering thrust of more on its way. also, i am planning to have two holidays during winter break.

oh well, i will have to be more efficient then. halve the time and double the amount done for everything. hopefully, the quality of work will not be compromised. that means i will have to learn to exercise appropriate degrees of conscienciousness in the right areas.

to begin, writing blog posts should not take longer than necessary.

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

My Cheese Has Been Moved

i am back in camb for the fifth day now. finished unpacking my boxes on sunday and spent monday and tuesday making multiple trips to town to buy things. my room this year is HUGE compared to basing 15 last year, and i couldn't suppressed the urge to get more things to put in it, things that i wanted since last year but couldn't have due to space constraint.

so, the past two days are spent on browsing the home section of shops, arranging and rearranging items in the cabinets, and looking for items after that because i can't remember where i put them.

amidst all the excitement, i miss basing 15 sometimes.

it is the familiarity to living in that place and to the neighbours in basing house that i miss, i think. changes always make me feel apprehensive. i thought i should be used to it by now. i have been living in two countries since i was 15, and i managed three last year. over summer alone, i had packed and unpacked at least four times to move to different places (not for holiday). still, i always get that uneasy feeling a few days before moving. and i realise that i never learn how to pack light. maybe subconciously i want to carry things that are familiar, hence all the excess baggage.

camb isn't that much different from the time i knew it before i left for summer. friends who were friendly were still as friendly, and those who weren't that friendly seem to be more friendly. there are many new faces around, and my windows open into benson court instead of magd street now. so, it's the birds that i hear first thing in the morning instead of the truck unloading bottles at the wine merchant. oh, i probably won't be cycling much in the early weeks; a bird has built a nest in my bike basket. there's even an egg in it. i think i should leave it for a few days and see what happens before deciding whether to move my bike.

other than those, nothing has changed much really- ramsay is still ramsay and sainsbury is still sainsbury. i foresee myself eating loads of cereals, bread amd canned food again once term begins and evceryone scarcely has time to plan for the next meal.

lectures start proper tomorrow and other activites start next week. i will still be involved in dance and cell group, so not much changes as well. in fact, i think i am such a constant person that i rarely tread unknown waters.

anyway, the cheese has been moved, albeit not too far from its origin. and i am on my way to find it.

We All Love Him

his headmistress loves him; she backed him up with the school recommendation letter for the admission exercise.

the new school admission team loves him; they offered him a place and a scholarship immediately after they spoke to him.

the family loves him; they see great talent in him, an unpolished gem finally in the hands of masters in the art of education.

I love him; I see the doors of opportunities flung open for him. I see great teachers waiting to groom and nurture him. I see life-changing experiences, stimulating and enlightening exposures, all helping him to transform potential into ability.

but

I love him; I wish he could be spared from the loneliness of relocation.

I love him; I wish he could be pampered with the comforts of home a few years longer.

I love him; I wish there could still be someone who wakes him up for school every morning, who spreads his toasts for him for breakfast, who reminds him to take his shower before it is too late, who hounds him to practice his piano. at least for a little longer.

I love him. it pains me that he may have to go through the occasional dark periods of solitude at such a tender age. it’s true that I have been through the same and emerged alright, but it was not without a tough fight.

can he win the fight? will he draw upon the strength of the Lord, the One who has been faithful to me throughout my own battle? will he be as fortunate to meet sincere and loving friends? will he be able to resist the temptations and avoid the paths of misguided souls?

it is because I love him, I want the best for him. I know not what is best; but I know the leap of faith is now the test.

we all love him, we really do.

that was him during his first visit to the place; it is now going to be his second ‘home’ for the next six years.

A Tripos Walk to Remember

just read an email from my cells supervisor congratulating us for making it through NST 1A and the tripos. to me, that was certainly a feat worth congratulating.

the exam itself lasted just one week, but the prep and associated tension was much more long-drawn, beginning as early as the start of easter holidays, a whole three months before the start of any paper. the battle stretched every bit of me to the limits. it wasn’t only the sheer weight of material that needed to be understood and remembered that I was fighting against, but also the alliance of physical discomfort from growing wisdom teeth (such a coincidence that in times when I had to learn the most knowledge that I had to show some signs of growing wiser as well), the loneliness of insomnia, wild fluctuations of self confidence, and increasing home-sickness.

it was during the sleepless hours that I felt the most helpless. the exhausted but stubborn mind wandered restlessly into the fears for tomorrow- the fear of not being able to perform due to lack of sleep, the fear of falling ill, the fear of worsening eyesight from insufficient rest, the fear of brain dead when thinking and analyzing are the most important tasks of all, the fear of … these fears, because they will only lead to more sleeplessness.

on the sunday before the chemistry paper, I felt as if I was on the brink of breaking down. I was drained mentally and emotionally, and was reeling from bouts of stress-induced gastric attacks at one of my study haunts. I thought of letting go, of giving up. I left the place early, and went around taking pictures instead.

people I talked to after the exams thought their experience for it was of the norm; it seemed like only I found it to be excruciatingly challenging. that’s why I wanted to write it down somehow -though I have procrastinated till today, for I want to be reminded of the great mercies that the Lord had shown me. perhaps the exam was a trial to test the intimacy of my walk with the Lord, and a vivid reminder of the frailty of man.

‘Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.’ James 4:13-14

why, I can’t even control my own sleep! what security can tried and tested exam prep methods bring?!

i am just thankful that I pulled through. the satisfactory results were a bonus. two more tripos to face in the coming. Lord, if you will, take this cup of suffering from me.

The Brain Has Wandered

just had a week long research institutes (RIs) tour. my brain refused to take in any more scientific fodder than it could digest after the first two project presentations at IMCB on the third day; it had worked commendable hours the past two days at BII, BTI, GIS and IBN. instead, it wandered into weighing basic research against industrial research, and industrial research against basic research.

basic research offers the joy of discovering knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself, of uncovering a little more of the mysterious yet awesome workings of nature, the very working principles behind the world’s most complex, most tightly-regulated, most efficient for its purpose, yet most minuscule for all its functions, machine, i.e. the living cell.

industrial research, on the other hand, tempts with the prospect of a purposeful, goal-oriented and highly motivated corporate-like working environment. there is the tangible reward of patents and profits for the company, and the competition against other companies towards the much coveted goal of inventing new technologies, new drugs, new materials, new kits.

in basic research, you ask questions and then seek for the answers. whether the answers- if they are to be found and understood within the limitations of the intelligence of man- will be of any impact to the rest of the world is of secondary importance, and is probably for the next scientist who decides to believe you to work on.

industrial research, on the other hand, works with proven principles that have market potential. the payoffs are more tangible, which are much needed where perseverance might not be that all sufficient, and where material needs and wants might be a more pressing goal than the abstract notion of academic progress.

the last day of the tour to SICS, the latest addition to the list of RIs under A*, opened up another option—clinical research. here, a patient is diagnosed with a set of novel symptoms, then the clinician researcher works backwards to find the cause of the symptoms. of course, with the help of biologists, pure scientists and even engineers, the doctor who gave the presentation emphasized. this is a good option, as there is the direct human touch to it. it offers exactly what lures me into biology from the very beginning—the connection to things that live and grow. basic research offers that as well, but when one deals with sub-cellular components for too long, it is easy to lose sight and treat these biological components like any other inanimate machinery.

ah, there is so much to consider! fortunately, there are two more years to think over things and one full year to test out basic or industrial or clinical research. and in the unfortunate event that I picked the wrong one for my phd studies, I still can consider changing course. more difficult maybe, as my peers will be far ahead by then, but not impossible. then again, it’s preferable to begin on par with the rest, if without a head start.

at this moment, one thing is rather clear though. the brain has decided that it has no passion in cancer studies, cancer therapies, cancer development, whatsoever. it has decided that well-behaved cells are more interesting compared to anti-social cells. it finds more fascination in learning why cells do what they do, compared to learning why cells don’t do what they are supposed to do. and more often than not, it finds bacterial cells and plant cells more remarkable than human cells. not exactly philanthropic, eh? =)